Wednesday, February 21, 2007

“There is no truth. There is only perception.”

As an adult I can look back and be thankful for my happy flawed childhood. It helped shape who I am today and gives me a perspective on life & love that enhances my journey as a foster and adoptive parent.

I can empathize with first parents who have lost their children to the system. My own parents were imperfect people who battled drugs, alcohol and poverty. My parents made choices that could have put them in similar situations to some of my foster children's birth parents. My own sisters couldn't have parented their children without the strong familial and social support that they received.

I don't believe that people who lose their children to the state are evil. I think they are imperfect, complicated humans that make poor choices with limited resources. I know that both of my kids first moms loved them- they both said so. I know for one, her addictions were stronger than her ability to care for herself or her child. That makes me sad....and sometimes mad, for my child, who will always have a piece of her missing because her family of origin is not intact.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for this.

Maggie said...

It's such a complicated thing. I always appreciate it when I get a relatively decent history on a child's birth parents. It often helps me maintain empathy for them. Like Slugger's mom -- her childhood was chaotic at best and she had him when she was just a kid herself. She couldn't parent him or keep him safe, but she loved him and she did what she could.

It's so important not to villify the birth parents. They may have done bad, sometimes terrible, sometimes appalling things -- but they have a whole history and story, too.