Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I'll never do THAT

Yondella wrote a fabulous post that has me both cracking up and shaking my head in agreement. I wanna quote the part in particular that just hits home with me

Perhaps the best entry was the woman who said that she would never do three things: yell at her children; use TV as a babysitter; or give them chocolate. Of course just the day before her small son had been underfoot while she was cooking and she found herself handing him a chocolate cookie and yelling, "Take this and go watch the TV until dinner is ready!"

All three in one swoop.
There were so many times pre-kiddos I thought "I'll never do THAT"

I am not the parent I had planned on being. I'm not as relaxed or patient as I had hoped. I'm not as creative or organized as I had planned. Sometimes my kids don't eat their vegetables and stay up past their bedtime. Sometimes I can't fall asleep because I have so much mom guilt about what I should have done differently that day. I shouldn't have given in to the whining, I should have made a better breakfast. I'll finally start to nod off, promising myself I'll do better the next day.

This is truly the hardest job I've ever loved.


CA Momma said...

The BEST job! Great post.

FosterMommy said...

Yep, totally.

You learn really quickly what your priorities are. And reprioritize on a constant basis.

fostermama said...

I hear you. I try hard not to judge strangers' parenting, mostly because I know I'm only seeing a snapshot out of context. Which is especially helpful to remember with birthparents.
And I try to keep a sense of humor about the "why would anyone do that?" thoughts that are so often quickly followed by "oh, that's why - ok, let's do it." (our favorite example is of the "inclined to sleep" baby positioning pillow - when we first saw it in the store it seemed like just one more piece of junk they try to get you to buy, but now we have two so one can go to daycare for nap time)

FosterMommy and I have thought about writing a sort of mission-statement type thing about being parents. When we got married, we had a ketubah (cause we're Jewish). It hangs in our LR. Periodically we happen to glance up and read it. No matter what drama is going on in our lives or how we're doing in our relationship at the moment, it always serves to remind us of our intentions and true desires, and also that we're really on the right path with what matters.

The text is very general yet meaningful. It's not like some list of specific goals. But it includes phrases like "may we encourage and challenge one another to be the persons we are yet to be."

We didn't write it, though we did choose it and adapt it. I'm a bit intimidated by writing a family/parenting one, but I really like the idea.

I think I see parenting similarly to how I see marriage, in some ways. Lots of rolling with the punches, lots of imperfections, lots of love and affection, lots of doing your best some of the time and just getting by some of the time, lots of getting into and out of patterns and habits, lots of communication, etc.

fostermama said...

oops, I meant to mention - that was the other "fostermama", just now. :)

Mme. said...

I have just found your site today and am humbled by your day to day humanity. Incredible. I want to read more on this site.

Anonymous said...

well, looks like someone else was using the computer and I signed in and posted under their name!

At any rate, I wanted to say thank you for taking care of today's children. What a remarkable act of love.