TPR

Almost a year ago I wrote that the judge ordered TPR and Adoption for Choo Choo's case. Today the day is here. Choo's parents Termination of Parental Rights Trial is today. (deep breath)

As a foster parent days like today are nerve wrecking. On one hand I'm praying the judge will let Choo finally have some permanancy after almost two years in care. I'm praying that finally my son can become, my son. On the other hand I know that this is the day that his parents, who do care for him very much, lose their son. As a daughter that breaks my heart. As a mom that breaks my heart.

Kids these days

I haven't written much about the kids here lately because I don't know what to say without sounding like I'm whining just as much as my kids.

The kids are all having some rough times and we are just stretched thin. If it were just one of them I think we might be able to cope better. But they all are having some issues.

We're going to start seeing some professionals for them soon and hopefully we'll feel a little more refreshed soon too.

I have no energy.

Biological Ties

This past week Josie meet her biological sibling. When Josie was born she was immediately placed with a foster family (us) and then DFS found that her mother had just closed a case with them a year and a half before. That foster family decided not to accept her placement at the time because (like us now) they had two very close kiddos and another kid at home. Their home was full, thank goodness for us. I can't imagine my baby girl not being a part of our family...the ringleader of our family!

As a person with 5 half siblings myself, I find the commonalities of biology fascinating. I wasn't raised with my siblings- I was born 20 years after my oldest sister. I was my mother's "second family" after divorcing and remarrying. My siblings and I are different generations with one common parent. But we are all sooo strikingly similar, our hands, our hair texture, our silliness, our need for the calmness of the outdoors. Something primal that connects us all that makes us part of one.

Jo and her sister have so many similarities that can't be explained by anything but that oneness to each other. I'm so thankful that her sisters family wants to nurture that connection. I'm hopeful that this is one biological tie that will always give her roots.

Babywearing

I've been trying to write a post (and email back a fellow foster parent....I'm still with ya Beth) and none of my words are coming out right. I swear the older I get less and less stays in my head. I'll be going towards something look to the side at the cat and forget what I was walking towards. Information falls out randomly. But anyway.

I've been babywearing since Jo was born. I found information about Kangaroo care when looking for help for preemies. That lead to babywearing. I started out making my own ring slings then Mei Tais. I later starting purchasing carriers at www.thebabywearer.com after I became too busy with babies to sit down and sew. I have a ring sling, a wrap, a few mei tais, a podeagi and now two soft structured carriers. CJ has been my biggest baby yet and I recently starting looking for a heavy duty carrier to keep up with his weight gain. Yesterday my new carrier came in. I'm still fiddling with it and getting used to a high tech carrier but take a look at my Beco Baby Carrier.

It came at just the right time. We've all ended up with vicious colds. CJ has started wanting nothing but mama. He fell asleep in the Beco yesterday when I was just trying it on. He is clinging to me most of the day even though he's crawling like a champ and already pulling up to stand.

Hello RAD where ya been?

Sometimes I can live my life like a normal mom. I complain that the laundry and dishes never end, I fret over birthday parties and I talk a little too much about poop and pee. But then, some days I am reminded that our lives will never be "normal".

After a pretty uneventful holiday weekend Lili had a raging meltdown tonight. Lili is a sweet little girl who is mentally about half her chronological age. She has mild Cerebral Palsy and has only been walking unsupported for about 6 months. She has a diagnosis of RAD but we have worked through some pretty rough attachment issues. I say worked through.....but it's never over.

Tonight I cleaned up feces from the floors, walls and bedroom door. She took all the clothes out of her closet that she could reach and smeared them with poo. She was unconsolable. It took forever to calm her down. After she was cleaned up I laid down with her and told her over and over again that everything was alright, she could go to sleep now.

But really I have no idea if everything is alright. I don't even know what set her off.

Talking to foster/adoptive kids about their story

I've been wanting to make a book for each of the girls that tells the story of their history with age appropriate information. The perfectionist in me has procrastinated for months, I wanted to draw it in Corel, edit it in Photoshop and have it professionally bound. This week I just sat down and got it done. I used blank 4x6 index cards, Sharpie markers and a simple photo album. It doesn't have any words so the story can be told orally and changed as they understand more.

Jo loves her book and wants me to read it over and over again.

“There is no truth. There is only perception.”

As an adult I can look back and be thankful for my happy flawed childhood. It helped shape who I am today and gives me a perspective on life & love that enhances my journey as a foster and adoptive parent.

I can empathize with first parents who have lost their children to the system. My own parents were imperfect people who battled drugs, alcohol and poverty. My parents made choices that could have put them in similar situations to some of my foster children's birth parents. My own sisters couldn't have parented their children without the strong familial and social support that they received.

I don't believe that people who lose their children to the state are evil. I think they are imperfect, complicated humans that make poor choices with limited resources. I know that both of my kids first moms loved them- they both said so. I know for one, her addictions were stronger than her ability to care for herself or her child. That makes me sad....and sometimes mad, for my child, who will always have a piece of her missing because her family of origin is not intact.