Done

In less than a week I will no longer be a foster parent! Choo Choo's adoption date has been set and we will be letting our license expire. No more rollercoaster.....Shhhh.. I guess I shouldn't say that out loud. The last time I did my nephew almost came into care.

It's the end of an era for us.

TPR

Almost a year ago I wrote that the judge ordered TPR and Adoption for Choo Choo's case. Today the day is here. Choo's parents Termination of Parental Rights Trial is today. (deep breath)

As a foster parent days like today are nerve wrecking. On one hand I'm praying the judge will let Choo finally have some permanancy after almost two years in care. I'm praying that finally my son can become, my son. On the other hand I know that this is the day that his parents, who do care for him very much, lose their son. As a daughter that breaks my heart. As a mom that breaks my heart.

Thriving in Stress

As a foster parent I think we get used to thriving in stress. The ambush of a new placement, rushing to get clothes, furniture, formula/food, doctors appointments all at a moments notice.

Today is such a day.

My mom had a quadruple bypass this past week and is being discharged today. She'll be coming to live with us permanently this evening. I'm a little scared at the idea of having to care for and please one more person. Even though it's my mom....actually probably because it's my mom....babies have no standards they expect in their care. Moms do. LOL

Some friends who have been expecting their first foster placement for months now got the call today. Tomorrow I'll be watching a little one with a broken leg. Makes my heart break.

My hands are full, but at least we've learned to thrive when under stress.

Kids these days

I haven't written much about the kids here lately because I don't know what to say without sounding like I'm whining just as much as my kids.

The kids are all having some rough times and we are just stretched thin. If it were just one of them I think we might be able to cope better. But they all are having some issues.

We're going to start seeing some professionals for them soon and hopefully we'll feel a little more refreshed soon too.

I have no energy.

Too Long

I feel like summer slipped away and fall was here before I even realized it. Charlie and I haven't been able to go on bike rides and play dates like I thought we would once the girls were in school.

My mornings fill up quickly with cooking, laundry, dishes, driving to school.... I look up and it's nap time. Time to get really get things done without a little one underfoot. My goodness time flies.


The days are long but the years are short.

Sickies

It's the second week of school. The germs we avoided this summer have been brought home to roost. Just when I thought I couldn't blow my nose one more time....it moved to my chest. Lili is at the doctor today, I think hers settled into a sinus infection.

DP & Josie who both sleep like rocks have yet to catch it. Sleep must equal a stronger immune system. I must try that sometime.

Besides bringing us all a case of the sickies, school has been amazing. I was so worried after enrollment day but not anymore. Both teachers are just wonderful. Lili's teacher has even assigned her a one-on-one aid that will help her navigate hallways and stairs and help her eat in the lunchroom with the other kiddos. This is something that we were bracing for a fight for. In an overcrowded district without funds we never thought it would be this easy to get her help. Luckily she has a truly amazing teacher who sees her needs, fills them and then lets us know. Wow. Just like how it's supposed to work. Who woulda thought.

Having a full day of school has done wonders for Jo's outbursts. Her energy has been used up during the day so she comes home truly calm and enjoyable. She actually plays quietly and imaginatively by herself in the evenings when I'm cooking and getting things ready for the next day. No more pinball of pent up energy. My nerves are starting to unfrazzle. I see the need for organized sports in her future.


Choo Choo has been eating up all the mama attention. He's made a break through in speech since he's been home by himself. At 19 months he's finally figuring out that sounds get him things and he went Helen Keller style though the house labeling everything he could with his limited vocabulary of "buh, puh, tuh, kih, dah, & mah"
He's had speech, occupational & physical therapy since he was born. I would hate to imagine where he would be at this point without such intense early intervention. He's really doing well right now and becoming such a big boy.

Choo Choo's case through DFS has been delayed (no suprise there right?) though. Even though the TPR trial was ordered in February it isn't scheduled until January of 2009 now. Why do you ask? Because his SW is on medical leave and the DFS attorney is going on maternity leave so we won't do anything on his case until they are both back at the same time. which will be oh....6 months. We thought we might have a fall adoption....HA!

Everything happens for a reason right?

The Donaldson Report & Cornrows

The Donaldson report on transracial adoption came out this past week and it basically found that:

1. AA children still are not adopted at the same rate as white children.
   
2. That love isn't enough when parenting children of another race.
   
3. Agencies need to do more to recruit AA families.
   

I was going to write a big post about how I agree but don't agree with the new findings. But I just don't have the spirit for it right now. Because really, most of their findings are not surprising. And besides...... I just wanted to tell y'all that this transracial-adoptive-mama has found her cornrowing groove.

When I started this blog a year and a half ago I was on a mission to master cornrowing. I think I'm finally really comfortable and now I'm always on the lookout for new complicated parts to try.

I'm so proud of me. I think I rock.

Home

Choo is home from the hospital and has been placed on seizure medication. Hand, foot & mouth is running through our house full force now. Choo is home but the girls have fevers of about 103.

We had a trip planned this weekend (just to Chicago) to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary on Friday. Now I think we'll be bunkered in with three sick kids. Any suggestions for a romantic celebration in that context?

In the midst of this I'm trying to formulate a post on the new Donaldson report....BBL.

More Seizures

Choo Choo has been admitted to the hospital for tests and observations. It seems that typically febrile seizures don't repeat in the same illness and Choo has had 3 in 48 hours now.

Scared

As a parent one of the scariest things is seeing your kids get hurt. We've been through a major emergency but I wasn't prepared for this.

Last night Choo Choo had a febrile seizure. It was the longest two minutes of my life. His little body was completely tense and twitching, he was gasping for air-his lips turning blue and his eyes were rolled back into his head. I thought the ambulance would never come.

After being discharged from the emergency room we came home at 3 am to try to get some rest. At 5 am he had another one. This time only about a minute but just as scary.

The main indicator if a child will be prone to febrile seizures is family history. Something as foster and adoptive parents we have very little access to.

Didn't happen

Placement did not happen today. There is still a chance he might come with us but for now they chose to place him back with the accused abuser. Yikes. Keep your thoughts with him that he will be kept safe until this is resolved. It's killing me that we have no control over this process.

Alright now God/Allah/Buddah/Higher Power

So it's been almost a year since we decided We're Done. We got rid of all baby stuff and I just said a few posts ago that we're done having babies and I'm good with that. I've said that they can call with any situation and I will say no.

Boy, oh boy. Alright God/Allah/Buddah/Higher Power you found a loophole.

Later this afternoon we will go to family court with my niece. My 3 year old great nephew will be placed in the custody of the Children's Division with us as the foster home.

I lost some weight

Unfortunately it wasn't on my hips. This past weekend we had a huge yard sale. Besides providing my budget for my mini backyard makeover we also lost about 200 pounds of stuff. Mostly infant and toddler supplies. All the baby bottles are gone, the Amby baby, the crib, the co-sleeper, the high chair, the infant car seats, the boppy, the miracle blanket....all......gone.

I'm officially done having babies. I thought I might be sad about this moment, but five babies later I can say "been there, done that....and don't want to do it again" and actually mean it.

I would say that I'm happy that I'll eventually be sleeping through the night....but here it is quarter to one and everyone is asleep but me.

I'm shocked

I'm shocked...in a good way. We went into this court hearing expecting to start from the beginning again. Instead the judge ordered Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) and adoption. AND the Children's Division lawyer has been working on the TPR paperwork for the past 4 months (we had no idea) and it will be filed on the 29th. Wow. Can I say again ...wow.

It's a possibility that his adoption might be final by the end of the fall.

Foster Parent Guilt

I haven't written much lately about foster parenting because ....there isn't much to write....and because I'm nervous. CJ's 1 year hearing is coming up in a week or so. This will be our first time with a new judge who has made himself notorious over the past year. This is the part where we hold our breath and hope that nothing horrible happens on someone's whim. Oh I will be so happy when I no longer have to endure this rollercoaster.

I feel guilty because I know that there are many more kids who need help, a home, an advocate, something. But right now *I* can't be that anymore. I feel guilty knowing that there are kids in the system that don't have the option of stepping off the rollercoaster whenever they feel like it. I feel guilty trying to concentrate on my family's needs when so many are needier...and don't have a family.

You Tubin

I found a great You Tube video about doing criss cross cornrows. Jo is wearing them for the holidays. If you feel like trying your hand at it take a look:

Little Wishes

Our local foster parent organization, The Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition, has a wonderful program that provides toys, clothes and special event funding for kids in state care. Little Wishes is a year round program but during the holidays it grows even bigger. Baggage wrote a great post about it here. But I want to give you, fellow foster parents, another special reason to think about fulfilling a foster child's holiday wish.

I love the Little Wishes program for one secret, selfish reason. Healing.

Vivi was our second foster child, the first child that I loved so completely and fiercely and then lost her forever. If you are a foster parent, you know that ache, that grief, that forever longing and wondering. She may be where she is supposed to be, but that doesn't always keep the pain down. She is my daughter, I had the wonderful honor of caring for her during her first 7 months of her life. I quietly remember and honor every birthday that she has. I wonder what she looks like and how she is doing now. I wish I still had some connection, something that would make me know that she is safe, loved and happy.

I know I may never have that...but I do have Little Wishes. Every year as early as possible I scour the site....looking for my Vivi. I have been so elated to be able to buy her special Little Wish every year since she left me. It may not fix the ache but it makes it so much better for a little while.

If you are a foster parent, consider this request, find a child on the site that might remind you of a special foster child that left, and grant their wish. The child might be the same age, or have the same name, anything that might give you a connection to your little one. Take some time to honor and reflect on the wonderful little souls that we've had the honor of knowing, even for a short while. I'm always surprised at how healing one little present can be.

Sugar Free

So let me just tell y'all right now that giving up sugar is a lot like giving up cigarettes.....but boy do I actually FEEL BETTER. Wow. I really do have more energy. Halloween was the worst day though. Just seeing all that candy coming and knowing I could have any. Torture.



But more about the life of a foster parent......

CJ's parents have disappeared. I'm hoping they just lost their apartment and haven't been someplace where they can call the SW. I'm praying mom isn't pregnant again and trying to hide. (ya know that would happen after I give away my baby stuff)

Snuggle Puppy

So this past weekend we actually took the plunge and *gulp* gave away all of our baby clothes. Now even if they told me the biggest sob story I'll have to say no (and I NEED to say no) and not take another baby. It actually doesn't feel as huge as I thought...more natural than anything. It's quite funny to me that most "typical" couples would include some form of birth control in their family planning at this point, and we are just passing on supplies as our family planning technique. LOL

To keep you updated on CJ's case.....well first let me say that I LOVE this bouncy baby boy. Oh does he have my heart in his hands. He is SOOOO my snuggle puppy.

His mom has been missing court since she got out of rehab and for the first time, dad missed too. The judge discussed taking the case out of the special drug court program and we're expecting that to happen at the next court date. I'm hoping that will make the situation better. As it is the SW actually said last week "I think mom is using" and mentioned that CJ's sister was home at the time. Yet still did nothing to protect the little girl! As a mandated reporter shouldn't I report that? To whom? The social worker that told me? GRRRRRRRR Really guys, I feel that I should do something, but what? What's better... getting dragged into this failed system or watching your mom get high on heroine?

A big GRRRR to the system

So I've been waiting to blog about this for a while because I was hoping that this would be resolved quickly. But that would be asking too much of a disorganized mess of a system.

CJ has cerebral palsy, strong hypertonia from neonatal abstinence syndrome and now hip displasia. He wears a hip brace twice a day during naps and all night. We will be picking up his new leg splints this week. He receives an hour of Physical Therapy and an hour of Occupational Therapy a week. He goes to CP clinic once a month at the local Children's hospital and sees other specialists regularly.

His request to be catagorized as a medical needs foster child was turned down. WTF? His SW said (and yes I'm paraphrasing) but he's so fat and happy! OMG

We now have to get even more records....which is soooo easy when you're not the legal guardian (ask Baggage) get the pediatrician and therapists to write letters and then we can try to appeal the request.

You gotta be kidding me.