Just so you know

I'm done.

CJ will be my last foster child.

The rollercoaster of emotions is too much. The worry is too much. The grief and loss is too much. I can't do this any more.

I'm tempted to give away all my clothes and supplies to the Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition's KidStore so that I really am unable to take another placement. If I decide later on to adopt (private adoption) I will buy new things that belong only to that child and don't have the memories of lost children attached to them.

There is no straw that broke the camels back. Just a realization that enough is enough.

Bumper Crop

I'm lovin the garden right now. I wish I could grow lawn in little pots. This year's garden helps me plan next years garden and what I need to do differently. First I need to plant ONE tomato plant. Lili and I are the only ones who will eat them. I need to plant half the amount of bell peppers - they have done sooo well and everyone likes them....but we're soooo sick of bell peppers and the plants are still growing strong.

I've started gathering seeds from flowers that I see going to seed (daylilies in parking lots, hibiscus at the zoo) and I'm going to clear out one planter just for flower starts.

I'm going to get my mom and MIL these planters for next year and build some stands for them. My mom even printed out the above picture and showed all her neighbors what her citified daughter is growing. I love it.

That Soda will Kill You

A huge U.S. study of middle-aged adults has found that drinking more than one soft drink a day - even a sugar-free diet brand - may be associated with an elevated risk for metabolic syndrome, a cluster of factors that boosts the chance of having a heart attack or stroke and developing diabetes.

"We found that one or more sodas per day increases your risk of new-onset metabolic syndrome by about 45 per cent, and it did not seem to matter if it was regular or diet," Dr. Ramachandran Vasan, senior investigator for the Framingham Heart Study, said Monday from Boston.

Wow. My mom and I often have this conversation where I ask how she did it with 6 kids and she says she didn't have all the "junk" that messes up parenthood. The more news stories like this that come out the more I think she's right.

We still have this back and forth conversation about convenience items though. Like paper towels. My mom started out washing clothes in a creek on a washboard, then a tub style ringer washer and a clothesline to dry. The thought of less laundry to her is like hitting a goldmine. She knows about "going green" but still loves her disposable tree-killing-landfill-filling paper towels. LOL I don't fuss at her too much though....cause lord knows I have a hard enough time keeping up with laundry as it is....and all I have to do is push a button.

Success!

Guess who is potty trained? Josie! I didn't want to post any earlier in case it was just a passing fad...but she's been diaperless for almost 4 days now. Do you know how happy I am? YEAAAHHHH

Hair Happy

During one of our "parent workshops" at the family week we just attended was a session on multicultural families. What I thought would be a sharing of information, resources and information quickly turned laughable. One particular area that always gets to me is the lack of interest in learning about AA hair in transracial adoptions. It really was scary how many people thought it would be better to cut off their little girls hair rather than learning how to properly care for hair different than their own. Out of our small group of parents I was the only person who enthusiastically enjoyed creating different hairstyles.

It was obvious many parents spent zero time learning about hair care and the cultural implications of hair in AA culture. The facilitator asked me to do a workshop next year.....which is in itself laughable to think that a midwestern white girl like me was the best expert they could find on the subject.

As a white woman trying to raise strong, proud, black women I am aware of how critical the definition of race, culture and beauty is tied to hair- specifically curly hair. Hair has strong personal, cultural and even political meaning within and out of the black community. I'm constantly trying to learn more about different styles, products and resources -not only for myself, but for the women my girls will become.

I hope to arm them with enough information and resources that they can make educated thoughtful decisions about their own hair. I hope to take the learning curve out of caring for their hair by passing on what I've learned about what works for each of their individual hair types. I hope to give them strong ties to their culture of origin by maintaining hairstyles that are stylish among their peers. I hope to build a strong mother-daughter bond by spending time lovingly grooming and styling my daughters hair. I hope to always let them know how beautiful they are by being informed and thoughtful in caring for their beautiful curly hair.

Back from Vacation

We're back from vacation! We had a great time at the lake. I doubt we will return for the RFGL events as they were unorganized and overpriced but the area that we visited was beautiful and I would love to go back to the lake. The kids loved playing in the sand at the beach, picking blueberries and having lots of playmates around. I just loved the lake. I've never been to a big lake like Lake Michigan and to me it was just like the ocean without the salt water in your eyes. There were a few days of nice waves to play in and plenty of rocks and shells to pick up.

I'm catching up on my blog reading and trying to get all the sand out of the girls hair. We went through a few hairstyles this past week so I'll post some new hair adventure photos soon.

Jo's Birthday Party

This past weekend was Josie's 3rd birthday party. She's been so excited and continually asks "Is today my birthday?" We'll be at GrammaGramma Grampa's on her actual birthday July 6th and she is going to be spoiled rotten. I can't believe my teeny tiny baby is this sassy, sweet diva.

We've tried to convince her that "the people" don't let three year olds wear diapers. She has to wear underwear after she turns three. (My pretty pretty princess picked out little boys race car underwear). I don't know if it will work but I'm willing to try anything, including lying and scare tactics. Aren't I just horrible? Toddlerhood is wearing me down. They are stubborn, energetic little creatures. Who decided that this stage should be right after the sleep deprivation of infanthood? There's a design flaw there (yes I'm speaking to you god/buddha, higher power).