Wishing

Wishing I was back at the beach today.....

First Day of Public School

My babies are off to school.

I left Lili having a complete meltdown, crying, with snot streaming down her face. I feel horrible- but every time I peeked into her room she got new energy and started going stronger. I hope she's settled down by now. She's so sensitive to change. I hope the teacher can entice her into participating eventually. She does love school, just not change of any sort.

Jo took off running, immediately finding a new friend (Angel is her best friend she tells me....after 5 minutes) and walked holding her hand to her classroom. She's so ready for this. My social butterfly. She is going to be in her element today.

Choo is down for his morning nap. My house is quiet and I'm quite happy about it. My to-do list is already finished and I'm writing another one.

Mama needed this break in routine. Ahh, this feels so nice. I think I'll water the flowers and linger in the garden this morning.

Zen mama style

We're back from vacation and as usual I'm playing catch up with laundry and cleaning. I always come back from a change of scenery with big plans for doing better. I've cleared out a portion of the basement and had my niece come over and set up a playroom for the kids down there. My living room, dining room....well entire first floor actually....are toy free. It feels so good, like a can breathe in here (not to mention walk without tripping over something). No one warns you about the mounds of plastic you will accumulate as a parent. It multiplies overnight. I keep threatening to not buy another toy ever because the kids get so many as presents for birthdays and holidays they could fill their own toy store. Yikes, and here I am trying to teach them about being thankful and non materialistic and they own everything their heart has ever desired. But I'm getting off track ...again.

So being back from vacation and having some perspective on things I've decided to hire my niece to come clean my house once a week. It absolutely kills me to know that other people (my family) may think that I can't care for my own family but I just feel so overwhelmed lately. This will hopefully free up some time that I can concentrate on being a purposeful parent and not a reactionary one. Too many times lately I feel like all I'm doing is reacting to a spill, fall, sister-hitting, cat-food-eating incident that I'm not spending any time supporting or encouraging my kids. That makes me one grumpy, resentful mama. I'm trying to carve out more time to rejuvenate ME so I can be more of the mommy I want to be and not the stressed out mama I was becoming.

I'm trying to:

1. Spend 15 minutes a day stretching.

Going all out and saying I will exercise everyday is setting myself up to fail...stretching seems relaxing and most of all attainable.

2. Remember to schedule my own doctors appointments.

My DP is convinced my thyroid is out of whack. My mom and oldest sister have thyroid issues and have been on sythetic replacement for years. I was a little alarmed that the checklist online fits me in every catagory. When I first became a new mom I stopped getting pap smears and ended up in the early stages of cervical cancer.....take care of me first, take care of me first...chant with me now.

3. Create a peaceful environment.

Being a very visual person, I know that my environment has a big effect on my mood. For me that means constantly decluttering and surrounding myself with reminders of great times. I'm going to order some oversize prints of some of the pictures I've taken recently.

4. ASK for help.

Gulp. Why is that one so hard? I like doing things my way. I get stressed out doing every thing. Vicious cycle.

Ah....feels like fall

Sometimes I think that as a stay at home mom I'm isolated, sometimes I think I'm so overwhelmed with people needing me that I'll never be alone.

This pic is from my "Mom's Day Off" that I had about two weeks ago. DP took a day off to stay home with the kids and I got up and left the house at about 8:30 and didn't return until suppertime. It's been three years since I've had a day off just for me (my last pap smear I had my feet in the stirrups and a cranky baby in my arms).My day was more than wonderful. It was bliss/happy/calm/energizing good. I took my camera and had a photography morning at a local sculpture park, did some shopping (alone!) and went fishing with my mom. I really miss nature. I really do. Having non-walkers really limits where you can go. I wonder if my kids think nature is the stuff that surrounds the playground in the park. It was so peaceful to be surrounded by green and even dip my toes into a creek. It has me thinking that we need a little lake house somewhere.

Fresh peas

I am thoroughly enjoying myself as a gardener this season! I love my Garden Patch boxes because it makes it so easy to see success. I started out just growing on the balcony of our loft and I've expanded my garden to the back yard. I keep dreaming of next years garden and how much bigger it's going to be. We're already enjoying the sweetest sugar snap peas and my lettuce should be salad size soon.

I checked out a couple of books from the library this week on sustainable farming and mindful eating. I'm especially liking Harvest for Hope by Jane Goodall (the chimpanzee lady). As our garden keeps growing I'm becoming more excited about preparing meals. I often struggle with food in general but I'm feeling less stress about it right now as I see it go from seed to plate. I've been reading Sarah's blog and I'm going to use her Kale recipe on some swiss chard I bought at the farmers market this past weekend.

Now if only those tomatoes would hurry up!

The Wii Chronicles

Old school Atari was the last time I really played video games. I rocked Frogger. I missed the Nintendo, Sega, Xbox (whatever the cool gaming system was/is) boat. I dabble in online games here and there. I play at Exodus 3000 for a few minutes at night after the kiddos are all in bed. If you want to earn me some more moves click my referral banner!
I sometimes play on Pogo because I like their word games. But mostly I suck. Your hand eye coordination goes by the time you start needing reading glasses.

I tried to play this guitar game at a friends house and sucked so royally I embarrassed myself and the entire Atari generation. But last night that same friend brought over Wii. Wii is cool. We bowled, boxed and even played baseball. My arms hurt like I actually went to the batting cages. It's really neat, I'm impressed.

The weight of the world

Sometimes as a wife/mother/sister/daughter woman I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. So many people to care for.

Lately I've been feeling like I don't have any "successes" in my life. What I mean is... that what I do doesn't have a completion or a identifiable measure of accomplishment. The dishes always need to be done, the laundry is never finished, the kids will soon be hungry/dirty/sleepy again. I've been saying "I give up, you win" a lot lately. The washing machine doesn't seem to care that it has won though. I'll see if he still doesn't care when I replace him with a new LG high efficiency. (Is it really healthy to be snubbing my washer?)


This past Friday I was having one of those days when I just didn't want to get out of bed. CJ woke up more than a few times in the middle of the night and I was feeling the sleep deprivation. It took everything I had (and some help out of DP's workday) to get everyone clean, dressed and fed in time for our morning PT appointment. We had a doctor's appointment to rush to immediately following. By the time we got home I was exhausted and ready to crash. Then the phone rang, my mom had been in a car accident. After driving to the wrong hospital and then waiting at the right hospital for 5 hours she was released with only some minor injuries. (Thank goodness!)

This past week CJ had to be sedated during an MRI. That small taste of substances again has made him quite irritable. He also had to have a minor surgery to remove and infected gland under his tongue which he didn't really enjoy much either. I've had one craaaanky baby this week.

Lili's final day of this semester of preschool was last week. I'm looking forward to having a little more free time for a few weeks. I'm planning some daytime trips to the zoo and museums. We're hoping that a slot will open up and Jo will be able to join Lili during the summer semester starting in June. She is so ready for school! I won't know what to do with myself with two in school for half a day.

Well yeah I will. Laundry.

Viva Las Vegas

Dinner at the Bellagio, Cirque de Soleil at Treasure Island, slots at Luxor, a facial & massage at the Spa and lunch at Mandalay Bay. That was my weekend, how was yours?

This was our first child-free getaway. My Il's came here to watch the kiddos and I joined DP who was already in Vegas on business. The best part was the Cirque show....AMAZING. I'm not a very good gambler, I don't want to give up my money to even put it in the machines, but I did win $16 after putting in $20. That was enough for me. I really enjoyed visiting all the theme hotels/casinos and Luxor was my favorite.

But beyond the touristy stuff the best part of the mini-vaca was: sleeping 10 hours a night, going to the bathroom by myself, drinking an adult beverage and eating food off a plate while it was still warm. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. Hey, isn't that the first level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs?


PS. An update on the placement call....he has found a bone marrow match and won't need a resource family until after he has recovered from his transplant surgery for another month or two. So we will revisit this decision in a few months.

Food

A huge issue for me as a mom (and a woman) is meal planning and nutrition.

As a parent I don't want my kids to have the same food issues that I do. I grew up very poor and food wasn't always available. I was always praised when I finished all my food. My mom even took proud pictures showing me holding a clean plate. I still have "clean plate issues". If it's on the plate I feel obligated to eat it. In this day of huge portions that's obviously not healthy. Even though I know what the problem is I still struggle with it. Conversely DP struggles with sweets and treats. A trip to my MIL's house is a feast of cakes, candies, cookies, chocolates, popcorn and even hot cocoa with fresh made whipped cream. So yeah, we have food issues I'd rather not pass on to my own daughters.

My MIL and my DP are gourmet cooks. They swap recipes and I'm often drooling over the latest creation. That is until I realize it has a pound of butter and a quart of cream...or it's wrapped in bacon and stuffed with a special cheese that adds 10 pounds at the sight of it. My mom was a simple, healthy cook out of necessity. She didn't know what gourmet cooking was but she knew how to feed 15 people with a block of government cheese, a can of salmon, a bag of elbow noodles and a few homegrown tomatoes.

I'm trying to find a healthy medium. I'm trying to please too many picky eaters. I'm working around food allergies, high blood pressure and SID texture issues. I'm trying to make sure our meals are nutritious and delicious. Why is this so hard?

Peanut Areas

Ack.

I'm getting sick. My nose is runny and I'm drained of all energy. Too bad mamas don't get sick days. Or naps.

CJ has finished weaning off all drugs. So he's a tad cranky right now. We finally bought a swing today and he really likes it. I swear he gave a look that said....why didn't you do this last week? He's beginning to laugh, smile and coo. Having had 5 babies in three years this is my "exhale" moment. When the sleep deprivation is really getting to you and you think you can't make it anymore....they smile and everything gets better. They start sleeping longer and begin to show their personalities. Ahhhh.

Lili failed a hearing screening at school this week because she had a double ear infection. She hasn't been showing any symptoms either. Well other than the fact that I thought she has been being extremely stubborn lately. I've had to tell her to do things a million times before she listened. Turns out she couldn't hear me. One of her tubes had fallen out the week before and it looks like the other is beginning to fall out. So after this course of antibiotics it's likely we'll be scheduling another surgery.

While changing CJ's diaper Jo inquired about the "thing" that he has that she doesn't. We tried to use proper language and explain that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. She kinda got the boy part.....but thought we said "peanut". It was too cute to correct so now all boys have peanuts. Girls have "areas" because private areas was easier to say than a v-g combination.

Updates on life

Whew. I know I haven't updated in a few days, time flies.

As CJ is weaning off his medicine he's showing more serious signs of withdrawal. He's cranky and fussy, he craves being held or worn in one of my many baby carriers. Have I written about babywearing yet? Hmmm....another post. At night he must be swaddled tightly or he cannot sleep more than a few minutes. He loves motion and we're trying to find a baby swing as it's the only piece of baby plastic we hadn't previously purchased. He's still eating well and gaining weight though.

CJ had his first visit with Mama R this week. She seems intelligent and determined to get her little boy back. I'm rooting for her. Most of the bio parents I have dealt with in the past have had mental illness issues that often get in the way of fully comprehending the situation and what is required of them. She gets it and she's trying. At the visit she told CJ "I'm gonna get better for you baby boy"

Lili is back in preschool this week and I'm crossing my fingers that she has picked up all the illnesses that the other kids had to offer. Jo and I have been having some great mommy-and-me adventures during Lili's preschool time. She was so tired today she asked (YES ASKED!) to go to bed a half hour before bedtime.

I bought a few small items for the girls easter baskets and an easter basket for CJ today. I love holidays, especially as a mom. I love the excitement, just the magic of it.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

The snow isn't even here yet and schools are closed and everyone is bracing for a "blizzard". I say that lightly because in this midwestern city that isn't used to great amounts of snow 4-6" will keep most people off the streets....and will definately keep us from venturing out.

I need the time in anyway, in the process of putting together my IKEA stuff the dishes havn't been done, the laundry is still waiting and I have two days worth of messes to clean up instead of one.

I sometimes wonder if all moms get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of housework that needs to be done or if it's just me. How did our grandmothers do it all without dishwashers, washing machines, dryers, roombas, microwave ovens and even refridgerators.

I asked my mom that question and she answered "We lived simply, we didn't have extra stuff we didn't need". I've been thinking about that lately and thinking about buying Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a Way of Life That is Outwardly Simple, Inwardly Rich ....anybody read it?

I need to go do my flylady routines.

Flylady

I've been following along with Baggage as she begins babystepping the Flylady system. I have been a flybaby (that's what followers of the cult call themselves) for about 3 years on and off. I know that I have come sooo far because sometimes when we are in a certain zone I don't even have to declutter. I am really glad I found this site before I was knee deep in kids, if you've never heard of it...check it out.

Like my kids, I love having a routine. A simple set of steps that I follow each day makes me feel comfortable and makes me feel like I'm making some sort of progress in life. When you are a full time parent it's hard to see the success of your labor. So as a domestic engineer (housewife....cough) I often seem to put more value than I should on completed household tasks. This often sets me up to fail because some projects....like dishes and laundry, are never completed.

As a product of a corporate culture it's so hard for me to switch gears to SAHM and not be valued for the work that I do. No one ever says....great job! Maybe I should buy those stickers that teachers give their kids....and stick them all over my dishes and dirty laundry.


What is the hardest part of parenthood.....or preparenthood for you?