Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Just so you know

I'm done.

CJ will be my last foster child.

The rollercoaster of emotions is too much. The worry is too much. The grief and loss is too much. I can't do this any more.

I'm tempted to give away all my clothes and supplies to the Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition's KidStore so that I really am unable to take another placement. If I decide later on to adopt (private adoption) I will buy new things that belong only to that child and don't have the memories of lost children attached to them.

There is no straw that broke the camels back. Just a realization that enough is enough.


FosterAbba said...

I so hear you on this one. We've been feeling "done" for a long time, only we can't stop, because we have a kid in our home that we are committed to. So we keep pressing on, hoping that the county will get their act together so we can finalize and move on with our lives.

Enough is enough.

Susan said...

I'm so sorry. Our latest little one will be moved by the end of this week and I don't know if we are up to doing it again. I've let placement know that we won't be taking any more for now.
I wish it weren't this way.

Shari said...

I understand completely. We had a little one leave last Friday and I thought for sure my heart was going to break and I wasn't going to take anymore placements but as I came to terms with her leaving I realized I wasn't done yet. Our new little one arrives tomorrow. But I so get where you are coming from, it is so easy to lose ourselves in the world of fostering. Best of luck to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I understand.

Lionmom said...

I hear you! We are committed to two more years with our oldest teen, but after that we are done.

Amanda said...

I so understand. We having been having the "Will we or won't we?" conversation too. There is only so much you can take.

FosterMommy said...

I totally understand. We're right there with you.
Of course, we do have a Straw, but the rollercoaster itself is enough to drive anyone crazy.

And I'm so jealous that your county has a fostercare store! I have been wishing for such a thing for a while and have even considered setting something up myself!

fostermama said...

(other fostermama)

I have to admit that I'm kind of glad we have a reason we can't foster right now. Otherwise I'd feel compelled to think about doing it again soon. I do miss it. But I already feel somewhat "broken" by my foster care experiences, in terms of my bonding with my new son. If I were still distracted with even the thought of fostering, much less with actually doing it, it would be so much worse.

If the system weren't so broken, fostering would still be painful and hard, but it wouldn't be nearly as bad as it is.

I miss it. I might do it again some day, if we can. Not soon, though.