Monday, February 4, 2008

Foster Parent Guilt

I haven't written much lately about foster parenting because ....there isn't much to write....and because I'm nervous. CJ's 1 year hearing is coming up in a week or so. This will be our first time with a new judge who has made himself notorious over the past year. This is the part where we hold our breath and hope that nothing horrible happens on someone's whim. Oh I will be so happy when I no longer have to endure this rollercoaster.

I feel guilty because I know that there are many more kids who need help, a home, an advocate, something. But right now *I* can't be that anymore. I feel guilty knowing that there are kids in the system that don't have the option of stepping off the rollercoaster whenever they feel like it. I feel guilty trying to concentrate on my family's needs when so many are needier...and don't have a family.

9 comments:

Yondalla said...

I hear ya.

And I won't tell you that you are doing the right thing, or that you have the right to do it, or that of course the needs of the children you have come before the children you might have.

All that's true, but I bet you already know it.

I feel guilty for limiting the population of kids I will consider, and I know I would feel guilty if I didn't and later could not take a kid who needed us in particular.

Christine said...

You shouldn't feel guilty. I'm always told that we can't save everyone. Just make a difference in the lives of the children that are in your home.

Maggie said...

It's totally understandable that you feel guilty, but looking out for your family is the most important thing you can do. You know that, though.

Amanda said...

I fear the foster parent guilt when we get to the stopping point. Be kind to yourself.

Amanda said...

I fear the foster parent guilt when we get to the stopping point. Be kind to yourself.

MommyNay said...

I stop all the time, grin. I think taking breaks and setting new sites for your family that dont include new kids is a good thing...sometimes it leads to more kids down the line and sometimes it doesnt. Ive taken lots of breaks and "quit" many times. I may go months without a new placement and then find myself with one, the one who really needs to be here...then I know that the time I took made it possible to take the one who's here now, when they needed me. Maybe this wont be a break, maybe you will be done. HELLO you have THREE SMALL KIDS, all of which have special needs. Why should you feel any guilt about not taking more? Having one special needs child can feel like having 10kids, you have several small kids right now all with challenging and unique needs. Not that Im one to talk. Im rediculous. I have my hands MORE than full right now and Ive already spoken with my licensing worker about what I would need to do to get a variance to take more. Knowing your limits isnt a bad thing, though I find that hearing that from anyone only makes me want to do more..... Dont be like me, LOL

fostermama said...

Good luck at CJ's hearing!!
Fingers and toes crossed for the best outcome for him.

fostermama said...

Also: I miss doing foster care. I think I will probably do it again some day - 5 years? 10 years? 15?
But you know what? You have no idea how much relief you will feel when you stop. You think you do, and you think it's a lot, but really it's more.

You and your kids can have some stability and some sanity. Everyone needs that. You can't give it to everyone, but you can give it to the family you have, and that's very important.

Becky said...

Maybe your best contribution now is to concentrate on the kids you have and encourage others to follow suit by having fun and enjoying your life with your partner the kids. You encourage me every time you post to your blog.