Our very close friends had a whirlwind match yesterday. They went into their first staffing informed, prepared and hoping for the best. They came home with two kids! They will have a weekend visit, take them back on Monday to gather their belongings and bring them home for good on Friday.
If they were chosen we thought it might be a fast transition because it's so close to the new school year...but wow. During their 2 1/2 hour drive home we dashed over to their house and straightened up the kids room and stocked up on kid friendly snacks. Our friends went to bed last night a little overwhelmed and shocked. From zero to mommies in just a few short hours.
Calling all instant families out there.....what can we do to support them through this whirlwind?
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Blog about my life in general...being a former foster parent, a transracial adoptive mom, an avid gardener and a wannabe urban homesteader.
My Fostermama Timeline
- 05/01- called for info on becoming a single mom through foster care -never followed through
- 08/03- began paperwork to become foster parents
- 09/03-12/03 Foster care classes
- 01/04 Adoption classes
- 01/04-03/04 Homestudy visits
- 06/04 Licensed foster parents
- 07/04 First placement -Jo preemie newborn
- 10/04 Second placement -Vivi preemie newborn
- 02/05 Called about a child on waiting kids list
- 03/05 Chosen for Lili 13 month old waiting child
- 05/05 Vivi placed in kinship pre-adoptive home
- 05/05 Third placement -Lili 15 month infant
- 10/05 Finalized Lili's adoption
- 07/06 Fourth placement - Ekida preemie newborn
- 10/06 Finalized Jo's adoption
- 11/06 Ekida placed in sibling's pre-adoptive home
- 02/07 Fifth placement -Choo Choo newborn
- 07/07 - Decided we're done fostering
- 08/08- Choo has been in care for 18 of the past 24 months - plan moved to TPR & adoption
- 03/06/09 - Finalized Choo Choo's adoption. Letting our foster care license expire.
7 comments:
How old are the kids?
I say don't wait for them to call you - call them and offer to go over and hang out and help/chat if you're available.
And let them know that their emotions are going to run the gamut and probably take MONTHS to settle down somewhat, and it's all OK.
Understand if they want the house to be calm and visitor-free, of if they go back and forth between wanting that and wanting company.
Anything you can do to ease the demands of daily life may be helpful. If you live close, call to ask if they need anything at the grocery store when you're going anyway. Offer to bring over dinner, walk the dog, whatever.
And congratulate them for us!
Oh my goodness! I know how stressed I was and Slugger's and my transition took months!
I second Yondalla's suggestion of running to the store and dinner. The daily life things seem to be the hardest when you're figuring out life with a new kid.
For our daughter's daycare teacher who recently became a foster mom to a toddler, the care package we put together included Pull-Ups, ketchup, a toddler toothbrush, some unbreakable dishes, a coloring book and crayons. It was everything we had ever rushed out to buy, or begged someone to bring, on the first night of a placement.
But listening is probably the most important. It's so hard sometimes to find people who don't jump to conclusions about what's happening and how you are feeling.
That, and once they've had some time to bond, a respite arrangement!
The girls are 7 & 12. We did go and do a little grocery shopping for them and DP made lasagna, salad and garlic bread for them and had it waiting in their fridge. I'll update more soon!
Holy Moley.
I thought our transition from zero to three in three days was tough.
My mom & my in-laws came over every night for the first four days - we would have been a wreck without them. I mean we were still a complete wreck but it helped!
Cheers.
Our two best godsends were my mother and my friend, Brooks. My mother was there to reassure us from her experienced perspective (sooo much more useful than any parenting book). Brooks is our main babysitter, and has been the steady, positive, non-parental adult in Sweetie's life that the play therapist said she would need. Their relationship helped Sweets (thereby, us) so much. You've been so thoughtful already! Lasagne in the fridge- don't we all wish! Congrats to the new family. -Kate-
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