Being a mom to a Special Needs child

Just for background... I knew Lili was my daughter from the moment we read about her on the waiting child list. Her specific areas of delay and her medical needs just happened to be everything we had experience in. We were a great resource to a child with great needs. She was my daughter, she was meant to be here. That being said.....

Being a mom to a special needs child is often quite draining and exhausting. Yesterday was just such a day.

Lili, who is 6 weeks away from her 3rd birthday, just entered the Terrible Two's in full force. She is globally developmentally delayed and socially/emotionally much younger than her chronological age. Added to that, she has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Sensory Integration Disfunction(SID). I know more acronyms than I care to.....

Yesterday was more RAD than TT as she raged more than tantrumed. She hit her speech therapist and refused to fully participate in her physical therapy. She was so angry, angry that she had to take a nap, angry that I expected her NOT to tear up her books, angry that she wasn't allowed to hit. I'm so worn out and it's about to get worse.

Lili will be starting a special theraputic preschool in about three weeks. For a child that has lost so many caregivers I'm afraid that she will think it's happening again. I'm afraid that all our work getting her to the anxious stage of attachment will be lost...and that the raging and defiance will begin in full force. Kids who lose so much, expect loss and grief. It's what they know.

I'm so not ready for this. I'm dreading it.