Celebrating All Families

Resisting Suburbia

2009-08-07T21:55:00.003-06:00

Ahhhh. Finally.

We have a contract on the house. We have a contract on a new house. An acre in suburbia. An entire acre. I won't know what to do with myself. I'm hoping the kids will run around the yard for hours a day and collapse into their beds at night like perfect angels. Nice deam right?

I've been doing alot of dreaming lately. I'm hoping this will be our last move. The place where we raise our kids and retire. I'm dreaming of gardening and greening up the house (rain barrels anyone?)

I'm no longer thinking about foster parenting. It's kind of nice. No social worker visits. No court dates. Just us and our crazy, loud, boisterous kids. My family.

I haven't been posting much here at Celebrating All Families. I don't know if I will continue to update here..... But I have started chronicling our new family adventures at http://resistingsuburbia.blogspot.com/

A Year of Seizures

2009-05-27T08:46:00.003-06:00

It's been a year since Charlie starting having seizures. I remember clearly how scared I was that first time. My barely one year old baby boy shaking, not a ble to breathe, those minutes seemed like a lifetime of worry. Now seizures are so commonplace in our life we barely stop for one. Even on two different seizure medications twice a day Charlie still has seizures regularly.

This Memorial Day weekend, like last year, Charlie was sick with a fever. Fevers are his biggest trigger. The seizures are bigger and more numerous if his temperature goes up. Today I'm alternating between Ibuprofen and Acetimenophen to try to keep the seizures away.

We Couldn't All Be Cowboys

2009-05-20T08:15:00.002-06:00

Looked at more houses this week. I figured out why I am so scared of the suburbs. I think the city values it's unique individuals. Freaks are an important part of city culture, I'm afraid of moving to a place that values sameness.

There have been many times in my life when I've refined my goals and set new ones. This time though I'm having a hard time balancing the needs of an entire family and how that fits into what we want collectively and what each one of us needs. Layers of complication.

Mortgages and hope

2009-05-15T10:15:00.002-06:00

We're kind of stuck in a holding pattern here....hoping someone will buy our house....hoping a house we love comes on the market. In the mean time we busy ourselves with what little control we do have. Today we're getting preapproved for another mortgage so we're ready when the universe is ready for us. We spend time every day fighting a losing battle to keep the house "showable" with three little ones underfoot.

I'm changing the lightbulbs to brighter ones, I'm painting touchups over nicks in the walls.

I'm dreaming of chicken tractors and worm bins. I'm plotting how many apple trees I'll plant in the new yard. I'm pouring over Realtor.com listings hoping for something new.

I'm putting it out to the universe.....and waiting to see what comes back.

Field Trip

2009-05-14T11:54:00.002-06:00

Today was Josie's school field trip to the zoo. We had a great time. It's not very often (never really) that I get one on one time with any of my kids. It's really calm and wonderful. I wonder if this is what it's like for someone with one child. Wow.

It also makes me realize how over my head I am most of the time. People who have children by childbirth and not adoption might end up with one special needs child. I have three. I choose three. This is ALOT of work.

It's nice to have a day like today and slow down and enjoy the company of my child.

Farmers Market

2009-05-09T05:57:00.002-06:00

Today is the first day of the season for our favorite Farmers Market. I've been up since 5:30 thinking about fresh strawberries and asparagus. You have to get there early or they'll sell out. We're planning on arriving 15 minutes before they officially open.

One day I'll have enough space to grow everything I want to eat.

Too Long....

2009-05-07T08:37:00.002-06:00

It's been too long since I've updated this blog. Mainly because well....our drama has decreased! Since we're no longer foster parents our schedule is lighter....no more social worker visits, court dates...ahhhh.

We're looking at moving into a different house. My babies aren't babies anymore and they need more room to roam outside out of my hair. So much energy! It's crazy hard trying to keep our current home showable all the time. I think I wipe dirty handprints off the walls and windows daily.

Introducing

2009-03-11T11:58:00.000-06:00

Introducing.....my son. Choo Choo Charlie. My family is complete.

Done

2009-02-28T09:10:00.000-06:00

In less than a week I will no longer be a foster parent! Choo Choo's adoption date has been set and we will be letting our license expire. No more rollercoaster.....Shhhh.. I guess I shouldn't say that out loud. The last time I did my nephew almost came into care.

It's the end of an era for us.

Keeping up

2009-01-12T09:47:00.002-06:00

Mondays.....uggg.

Somehow over the weekend laundry doubles, dirty dishes sneak to odd places in the house and the list of things to do is longer than ever.

I hate mondays. I'm sitting here typing trying to get up the energy to face a mountain of tasks.

maybe more coffee will help.

TPR

2009-01-07T09:35:00.003-06:00

Almost a year ago I wrote that the judge ordered TPR and Adoption for Choo Choo's case. Today the day is here. Choo's parents Termination of Parental Rights Trial is today. (deep breath)

As a foster parent days like today are nerve wrecking. On one hand I'm praying the judge will let Choo finally have some permanancy after almost two years in care. I'm praying that finally my son can become, my son. On the other hand I know that this is the day that his parents, who do care for him very much, lose their son. As a daughter that breaks my heart. As a mom that breaks my heart.

Rolling Along

2009-01-05T09:39:00.002-06:00

We're still rolling along here.

My mom went home to her house and had some complications with her blood pressure so she is back here with us so we could keep a closer eye on her. She's never been one to sit still and she's ready to go home again. Her follow up with the surgeon is today.

Winter break is over today....yeah for school! Having all three home together is a constant fight over toys, tv, chairs....everything. Someday they will love each other right? Right?

I'm pouring over my new seed catalogs and dreaming of better weather. I ordered Johnny's Seeds catalog for the first time. I'm in love...so many varieties, so many pictures.....ahhhh.

Thriving in Stress

2008-12-17T17:15:00.004-06:00

As a foster parent I think we get used to thriving in stress. The ambush of a new placement, rushing to get clothes, furniture, formula/food, doctors appointments all at a moments notice.

Today is such a day.

My mom had a quadruple bypass this past week and is being discharged today. She'll be coming to live with us permanently this evening. I'm a little scared at the idea of having to care for and please one more person. Even though it's my mom....actually probably because it's my mom....babies have no standards they expect in their care. Moms do. LOL

Some friends who have been expecting their first foster placement for months now got the call today. Tomorrow I'll be watching a little one with a broken leg. Makes my heart break.

My hands are full, but at least we've learned to thrive when under stress.

Still Here

2008-11-17T17:44:00.003-06:00

We're still here and doing a bit better. Everything is swooshing past me as we enter the holiday season. I'm still busy gardening and hoping to get one more visit in to the farmer's market before it vanishes for the season.

Nothing is moving forward in Choo Choo's case.....just waiting for February to come. The girls are enjoying school and Lili is even trying her best at potty training.

I've added more blogs to my daily read....my interest veer off from foster parenting now that we are near the end of the road in our journey though....

Kids these days

2008-10-28T10:14:00.003-06:00

I haven't written much about the kids here lately because I don't know what to say without sounding like I'm whining just as much as my kids.

The kids are all having some rough times and we are just stretched thin. If it were just one of them I think we might be able to cope better. But they all are having some issues.

We're going to start seeing some professionals for them soon and hopefully we'll feel a little more refreshed soon too.

I have no energy.

Gardening

2008-10-18T12:29:00.002-06:00

Even though summer has waned I'm still busy trying to squeeze in a few more things....winter onions, more peas and spinach and lettuce.

I'm obsessively seed saving too. I bought some beautiful striped eggplant from the farmers market last week just for the seeds. Fall is always what gets me in trouble.

The planning of next years garden is always so exciting. I'll be cursing myself next year when spring opens up and I have way too many projects planned.

Wishing

2008-10-14T13:03:00.001-06:00

Wishing I was back at the beach today.....

Too Long

2008-10-06T18:25:00.003-06:00

I feel like summer slipped away and fall was here before I even realized it. Charlie and I haven't been able to go on bike rides and play dates like I thought we would once the girls were in school.

My mornings fill up quickly with cooking, laundry, dishes, driving to school.... I look up and it's nap time. Time to get really get things done without a little one underfoot. My goodness time flies.

The days are long but the years are short.

Travel

2008-09-11T08:52:00.002-06:00

We travel a lot. It's a major part of our family's goals. Being from a small town I didn't see much of the world and therefore didn't get to know much beyond the culture of the midwestern US. Heck I'm just now realizing most of my values and cultural views have to do with my midwestern roots.

I want my kids to know and understand the many different people that live on this earth. So seeing the world beyond their home is important to me. We have larger (abroad) trips planned for as the kids get older. But for now we'll continue to see the US and check out the different regions while the kiddos are young. Our fall trip will be to explore different cohousing communities in the Pacific Northwest.

Next week we head south to Florida. Not really for the culture but more for the marine life. Dolphins, crabs, jellyfish - Choo Choo is already sooooo excited. He loves fish, our trip to the New England aquarium totally enraptured him. He has been pouring over the fish board book I got for him from the library for this trip....so much so that I can't find it. If you were 1 1/2 where would you hide your treasured fish book?

Sickies

2008-08-28T10:10:00.003-06:00

It's the second week of school. The germs we avoided this summer have been brought home to roost. Just when I thought I couldn't blow my nose one more time....it moved to my chest. Lili is at the doctor today, I think hers settled into a sinus infection.

DP & Josie who both sleep like rocks have yet to catch it. Sleep must equal a stronger immune system. I must try that sometime.

Besides bringing us all a case of the sickies, school has been amazing. I was so worried after enrollment day but not anymore. Both teachers are just wonderful. Lili's teacher has even assigned her a one-on-one aid that will help her navigate hallways and stairs and help her eat in the lunchroom with the other kiddos. This is something that we were bracing for a fight for. In an overcrowded district without funds we never thought it would be this easy to get her help. Luckily she has a truly amazing teacher who sees her needs, fills them and then lets us know. Wow. Just like how it's supposed to work. Who woulda thought.

Having a full day of school has done wonders for Jo's outbursts. Her energy has been used up during the day so she comes home truly calm and enjoyable. She actually plays quietly and imaginatively by herself in the evenings when I'm cooking and getting things ready for the next day. No more pinball of pent up energy. My nerves are starting to unfrazzle. I see the need for organized sports in her future.

Choo Choo has been eating up all the mama attention. He's made a break through in speech since he's been home by himself. At 19 months he's finally figuring out that sounds get him things and he went Helen Keller style though the house labeling everything he could with his limited vocabulary of "buh, puh, tuh, kih, dah, & mah"
He's had speech, occupational & physical therapy since he was born. I would hate to imagine where he would be at this point without such intense early intervention. He's really doing well right now and becoming such a big boy.

Choo Choo's case through DFS has been delayed (no suprise there right?) though. Even though the TPR trial was ordered in February it isn't scheduled until January of 2009 now. Why do you ask? Because his SW is on medical leave and the DFS attorney is going on maternity leave so we won't do anything on his case until they are both back at the same time. which will be oh....6 months. We thought we might have a fall adoption....HA!

Everything happens for a reason right?

Gardening 2008

2008-08-19T10:50:00.003-06:00

Gardening is something that gives me a great amount of peace and sense of accomplishment. This time last year we were wallowing in a bumper crop of peppers, tomatoes, squash and zucchini.

Not so this year. After our 3 week vacation I came back to a pretty stressed out garden. Most was turning brown and dying even though I had paid a neighborhood handyman to water everything for me.

I've picked one tomato, one pepper and handful of peas, lettuce & berries. I'm gearing up again though and planting more lettuce, peas & carrots, some spinach & bunching onions. I placed a small order from Seeds of Change, my first. I've read about them over the past year as I follow the trials and tribulations in Big Mama's gardening adventures. Before I plant my new seeds I'm going to move the containers back to last year's spot to see if I do any better. I keep dreaming of the day when I have a large enough space to plant a garden like my Aunt Pauline's. As a kid I was in awe of how many vegetables she grew right outside her back door.

I've been reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle this past week and I'm in love. As an avid user of the local library it's rare that I find a book that I like enough to actually want to own. This is an exception. It's already lead me to place a request for Home Cheesemaking from the library. AVM has so many good tidbits I'm hoping to read it one more time before it's due next week.

I love learning new things, especially things I can make with my hands. I'm utterly buzzing with excitement about the prospect of making homemade mozzarella cheese.

First Day of Public School

2008-08-18T10:42:00.003-06:00

My babies are off to school.

I left Lili having a complete meltdown, crying, with snot streaming down her face. I feel horrible- but every time I peeked into her room she got new energy and started going stronger. I hope she's settled down by now. She's so sensitive to change. I hope the teacher can entice her into participating eventually. She does love school, just not change of any sort.

Jo took off running, immediately finding a new friend (Angel is her best friend she tells me....after 5 minutes) and walked holding her hand to her classroom. She's so ready for this. My social butterfly. She is going to be in her element today.

Choo is down for his morning nap. My house is quiet and I'm quite happy about it. My to-do list is already finished and I'm writing another one.

Mama needed this break in routine. Ahh, this feels so nice. I think I'll water the flowers and linger in the garden this morning.

Hurry up school!

2008-08-03T21:17:00.003-06:00

My kids are driving me bonkers. Tomorrow's heat index is 107 so we're stuck inside with the AC again. They're bouncing off the walls like pinballs. Ding, ding, ding.

I think I'm gonna lose my voice yelling:

"don't touch that, we don't climb on the stove, quit hitting your brother, don't pull the cat's tail, quit fighting, get down from there, leave your sister alone"

What in the world possessed me to have three kids so close in age?

Two more weeks until school starts. Hurry up school!

Race Ya

2008-07-28T10:59:00.004-06:00

We've been having some big discussions in the Fostermamas house lately. As we look further in relocating one big theme is coming up.

Race & Education

As transracial adoptive parents we have a responsibility beyond typical parenting. I want my kids to be smart, healthy and happy and I want them to be strong black citizens.

As we look into communities we're often judging how racially "diverse" they are. While reading an old post at Antiracistparent I began to delve deeper into my feelings on that subject. Part of the post there quoted:

Barry-Austin recalled a New York Times article from several years ago that looked at South Orange and its racial make-up (Preserving a Delicate Balance by Andrew Jacobs: May 18, 1997.) In it, the author cited the words of Professor Douglas S. Massey, a professor of sociology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of ”American Apartheid: Segregation and the Making of the Underclass” (Harvard University Press, 1993.) Professor Massey spoke of surveys in which African-Americans respondents describe a neighborhood as ideally integrated when the racial composition is a 50/50 mixture of the two races. To most of the white people surveyed, on the other hand, integration meant more of an 80/20 mixture (heavy on the whites, please.)

How much diversity are we looking for? Is there a number I can put on it? Historically St. Louis' racial census has been 50/50....but that does not mean you can go into any neighborhood and find that diversity. Like many urban cities we are still very segregated. AA communities to the north and Caucasian communities to the south. Our lack of integrated diverse community options had us thinking that maybe we should just look into strong black communities instead.

Then I had to go and watch CNN's Black in America, The Black Woman & Family. One of the interviews was with a Harvard professor who quoted that children in undevoloped countries get a better education than black children in this country. God that makes my heart sink. I know that there is a huge gap in the resources that historically black schools receive compared to white schools. They quoted the drop out rate among black high school students as 50%. FIFTY percent. I don't want my kids to be that statistic. What parent does?

I don't want my kids to struggle, I want to give them every educational opportunity I can. Since my kids all have some special needs I know I'm going have to advocate to make sure that they already get some of the same educational advantages typically developing children receive. We're already seeing how hard that can be in a school district with no funds. (This week we enrolled the girls in the local magnet school that they were accepted in -boy that's another post)

I want to live somewhere where rich white folk pay high taxes so my kids can go to a great school. I want my kids to attend schools where the teachers are highly educated and credentialed. I want schools that have the latest technology and state of the art science labs. Typically that's a white community. Why does that make me feel so uneasy? Am I using racism and white privilege to my advantage instead of fighting the man?

A long time ago I read the book Silver Rights about one family's fight to send their kids to the local white school after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 mandated the desegregation of all public schools. I remember thinking after I read that book that I would make sure that my kids took advantage of every opportunity that they paved the way for.

But as a transracial family it's not that easy.

More Cohousing Research

2008-07-16T10:12:00.002-06:00

We're still very interested in cohousing....even more so when you really wish you knew your neighbors well enough that you could leave your 4 yr olds with them while you take your baby to the emergency room.

We visited the local cohousing group that is still in the process of retrofitting buildings. We really liked their eco focus but I don't think it will have enough green space to make me happy. I'm getting tired of living in a sea of concrete.

This weekend we'll be taking a trip to Lawrence KS to visit the cohousing community there.

Keppra

2008-07-16T10:05:00.003-06:00

Choo Choo had another seizure later that same day and after paging the Pediatric Nuerologist on call for more than twenty minutes we hung up and called our close friend who is a Pediatric Infectious Disease doctor. She was able to calm us down quite a bit and told us to keep an eye out for him getting sick (as that seems to be his trigger) and sure enough a half hour after his 2nd seizure he got a fever of 102.

Our regular pediatrician talked to his Nuerologist and they're upping his dose of Keppra. Hopefully this will mean no more seizures but it also means a lot more cranky-tantrum moments. Keppra makes him so angry. Ever seen an 18 month old hit you like they mean it?

More Seizures

2008-07-14T19:04:00.003-06:00

I'm beginning to feel pretty akin to Owlhaven today.

Choo Choo had another seizure today, very different from his previous ones. He lost consciousness during the seizure. This one is very serious since he had the seizure while on anti-seizure medication.

However no one in Nuerology is calling me back. We have a regularly scheduled appointment next week. Don't these people know I'm going crazy.

I'm regretting selling my pack n play, co-sleeper and baby hammock. Since his last seizures came in a group I want to keep a close eye on him.

2008-07-01T02:20:00.002-06:00

We're back from our veeeerrry long vacation. I think I'm going to need a few days just to recover. Note to self: three weeks is way too long to be away from home with three little ones.

These are two of my favorite pictures from our trip. The first picture is Otter Creek in New Hampshire where we played in the water for a bit to the kids out of the car. The second is sunset over Salem Mass. where we spent a wonderful evening at an old fashioned kiddie amusement park.

New England is one of the most beautiful places in the US. We particularly loved Vermont. The mountains, streams and idyllic farms were breathtaking. For relocation purposes we liked the Burlington VT area out of all the places we visited. It's a small city but if you go 7 miles it's complete farmland. Living with such urban sprawl right now it was amazing to me to see how close city-country life were.

The biggest part of the trip though was how much we fell in love with co-housing. Living in a community where it's very much like the neighborhoods of my childhood is very appealing to me. I really felt like it was what we're always searching for in the city... a strong community where everyone knows each other, watches out for each others kids, participates together beyond yearly block parties and really work to form relationships and be a support system. I think we've shifted our relocation efforts to look specifically for a co-housing community where our Gay-Black-Jewish-Disabled Family would be an asset and a resource to others instead of looking for a place where we "fit".
Of the two co-housing communities we visited one was decidedly more child centered and that is the one that we preferred. I think if Vermont in general and that area specifically were'nt so damn white....we'd be there in a heartbeat.

Wow

2008-06-14T20:28:00.002-06:00

I think that might be my most commented upon blog post. I should have just thrown the topic out to y'all when I was pouring over the millions of top ten lists out there when it comes to the bestest towns ever.

I have some of the same concerns that alot of you brought up about Mass. We're completely spoiled in this part of the country. My BIL lives in Jamaica Plains MA and we helped him apartment hunt when he first moved there. I almost fainted at the rental prices. One month would have almost paid for my first apartment for 6 months. But we are still going to check out the area there and in Northampton MA. We visited NoHo a few years ago but it seemed too "small town" at the time. Now that we're looking for a smaller community we're going to visit again. We're also checking out Brattleboro and Burlington VT. Any other suggestions for what we should visit in the area?

We've always liked Providence RI...well and most of the towns we love are university towns. I love the idea of a town center and the community that a university provides. I guess that is what we're looking for in co-housing too. A stronger sense of community. We were bummed when we realized we'll miss the co-housing conference as the first part of our three week trip is spending time with Grandma & Grampa in Chicago -which we're also considering.

New England

2008-06-11T06:39:00.005-06:00

We're getting ready to leave on a three week trip. Packing for five has taken it's toll on me the last few days as I scramble to make sure we have everything we could ever possibly need when away from home. Like anywhere we go won't be 10 minutes from a box store selling everything we need.

We are visiting New England scoping out communities for possible relocation. But with a family as complicated as ours we don't seem to "fit" anywhere. We're looking for a diverse community where our family would have access to great health care, see other people of color on a regular basis, feel safe to be "out" and can put up a menorah. Does that exist in the US?

Really, when looking at cities and towns through their city data everywhere we've explored is "too white", "too christian" and sometimes just "too straight". What's a Gay-Black-Jewish-Disabled Family to do?

We are voracious researchers and have been reading everything we can get our hands on about Cohousing . We're visiting 2 co-housing communities in New England to check them out.

The Donaldson Report & Cornrows

2008-06-03T19:04:00.004-06:00

The Donaldson report on transracial adoption came out this past week and it basically found that:

AA children still are not adopted at the same rate as white children.
That love isn't enough when parenting children of another race.
Agencies need to do more to recruit AA families.

I was going to write a big post about how I agree but don't agree with the new findings. But I just don't have the spirit for it right now. Because really, most of their findings are not surprising. And besides...... I just wanted to tell y'all that this transracial-adoptive-mama has found her cornrowing groove.

When I started this blog a year and a half ago I was on a mission to master cornrowing. I think I'm finally really comfortable and now I'm always on the lookout for new complicated parts to try.

I'm so proud of me. I think I rock.

Home

2008-05-29T09:07:00.002-06:00

Choo is home from the hospital and has been placed on seizure medication. Hand, foot & mouth is running through our house full force now. Choo is home but the girls have fevers of about 103.

We had a trip planned this weekend (just to Chicago) to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary on Friday. Now I think we'll be bunkered in with three sick kids. Any suggestions for a romantic celebration in that context?

In the midst of this I'm trying to formulate a post on the new Donaldson report....BBL.

More Seizures

2008-05-28T09:58:00.003-06:00

Choo Choo has been admitted to the hospital for tests and observations. It seems that typically febrile seizures don't repeat in the same illness and Choo has had 3 in 48 hours now.

Scared

2008-05-26T16:18:00.002-06:00

As a parent one of the scariest things is seeing your kids get hurt. We've been through a major emergency but I wasn't prepared for this.

Last night Choo Choo had a febrile seizure. It was the longest two minutes of my life. His little body was completely tense and twitching, he was gasping for air-his lips turning blue and his eyes were rolled back into his head. I thought the ambulance would never come.

After being discharged from the emergency room we came home at 3 am to try to get some rest. At 5 am he had another one. This time only about a minute but just as scary.

The main indicator if a child will be prone to febrile seizures is family history. Something as foster and adoptive parents we have very little access to.

Didn't happen

2008-05-22T18:20:00.003-06:00

Placement did not happen today. There is still a chance he might come with us but for now they chose to place him back with the accused abuser. Yikes. Keep your thoughts with him that he will be kept safe until this is resolved. It's killing me that we have no control over this process.

Alright now God/Allah/Buddah/Higher Power

2008-05-22T10:58:00.002-06:00

So it's been almost a year since we decided We're Done. We got rid of all baby stuff and I just said a few posts ago that we're done having babies and I'm good with that. I've said that they can call with any situation and I will say no.

Boy, oh boy. Alright God/Allah/Buddah/Higher Power you found a loophole.

Later this afternoon we will go to family court with my niece. My 3 year old great nephew will be placed in the custody of the Children's Division with us as the foster home.

Meme of Five

2008-05-19T16:55:00.002-06:00

I'm doing the Meme of Five that was posted at Peter's Cross Station not because I was tagged....but just because today has been a stressful day with the kids. DP is giving the kiddos a bath and I have a moment to myself. Ahhhh

What were you doing five years ago?
Five years ago I was getting ready to get married next weekend! I was hoping for a sunny day and counting and recounting my RSVP's. I was fretting over my dress and my hair and was in general a ball of nerves. I was a year into the Interior Design program and working a part time job at a custom drapery center that I found tedious and boring. I spent more time shopping and planning projects for myself than anything else. The one thing that stands out most about that job is how much it made my feet hurt standing around all day.

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?
1. Do Lili's hair
2. Post kitten ad on Craigslist
3. Weed in the garden
4. Call Mom about cleaning on Wednesday
5. Have a glass of wine

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. Fruit (fruit doesn't last in our house)
2. Yogurt
3. Smoothies
4. Orville Redenbacher's Kettle Corn (made with Splenda!)
5. Sugar Free York Peppermint Patties

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Travel - Far and wide. I would see other cultures, beautiful landscapes, different foods. I would live globally and hopefully teach my children to be citizens of the world and give them a greater appreciation of the diverse viewpoints of the many cultures of the world. Heck even though we're not billionaires this is a life goal for us, exploring the US while the kids are young and saving the big trips for when they are older and can appreciate it.
2. Give - Who really needs billions of dollars? Not one person that's for sure. I would give personally to those I knew needed help and through charitable organizations trying to do so much without enough resources.

3. Educate - Coming from true white trash I would set up scholarship funds for anyone in my family at any age wishing to further their education. I would set aside funds so my children at any age could go to any trade school, university or cooking class that they ever dreamed of. I would invest in the community I lived in by providing educational resources at the local schools and universities.

4. Create- I think I always wish I had more time to create, to paint, to sew, to garden.....photograph the kids, scrapbook, decorate, write. I would spend more time nurturing my inner artist.

5. Hire a Chef I love to eat lots of different foods. But I don't necessarily like to cook. I am challenged to figure out proper nutrition and make everyone happy at the same time. So if I had a billion dollars the only real difference I think I would make to my everyday life is that wonderful, healthy meals would appear magically.

What are five of your bad habits?
1. I curse and three kids later I still haven't stopped
2. I start projects and don't finish them.
3. Late night TV watching-snack binging -damn those salty chips!
4. Cracking my knuckles, and ankles and back and....well you get it.
5. Expecting things my way. Is that really too much to ask? LOL

What are five places where you have lived?
1. Tower Grove Neighborhood -St. Louis City
2. Dutchtown Neighborhood -St. Louis City
3. St. Louis County
4. South of St. Louis County
5. My mom's house South of St. Louis County

I don't get out much do I?

What are five jobs you've had?
1. Waitress
2. Door-to-door vacuum salesperson
3. Corporate Trainer
4. Custom framer
5. custom drapery designer

Fostering of a different sort

2008-05-19T09:08:00.003-06:00

Lately we've been doing some more fostering...of a different sort. It's kitten season and we been fostering a mama cat and her kittens that found her way into our friends basement when they were moving. My DP had never seen a newborn animal before and the kids were just as amazed with the new little additions that moved into their bathroom. After six weeks they are ready for new homes, I hope the kids will understand when they leave us. Josie has grown especially fond of them. I'm really glad now that we were a fostering family before our kids were really old enough to understand that their sisters (Vivi & Eckida) were leaving them forever. I know how it breaks my heart as an adult I can only imagine as a kid how it must feel.

Last night we were musing at our life over the past five years: we've gotten married, had five kids and bought two homes. I think we're used to stress now. No wonder my blood pressure and blood sugar have been out of whack. I'm beginning to look forward to settling in and NOT having a major change for a while.

But if you're in the St. Louis area and would like a cuddly kitten let me know!

I lost some weight

2008-05-06T23:39:00.002-06:00

Unfortunately it wasn't on my hips. This past weekend we had a huge yard sale. Besides providing my budget for my mini backyard makeover we also lost about 200 pounds of stuff. Mostly infant and toddler supplies. All the baby bottles are gone, the Amby baby, the crib, the co-sleeper, the high chair, the infant car seats, the boppy, the miracle blanket....all......gone.

I'm officially done having babies. I thought I might be sad about this moment, but five babies later I can say "been there, done that....and don't want to do it again" and actually mean it.

I would say that I'm happy that I'll eventually be sleeping through the night....but here it is quarter to one and everyone is asleep but me.

IEP and Special Needs

2008-04-22T09:09:00.002-06:00

As a mama to kids with special needs I celebrate the little things. Sometimes we lose sight of the forest for all the trees though. This time it's a good thing.

Lili had her second IEP this past week. The were SHOCKED and AMAZED with her progress over the past year. They reminded us that at her last IEP she couldn't walk independently, she couldn't talk and had the skill level of a 1 1/2 year old. We've celebrated so many little breakthroughs I didn't even realize the huge jump that she has made.

Their new recommendation is an integrated classroom at a typical school. Yeah! I might have two girls in school this fall, I can't believe it.

Adult Onset Diabetes

2008-04-11T09:11:00.002-06:00

So back in October I wrote that I was diagnosed with Adult Onset Diabetes. I've been fighting a battle since then to bring down my blood sugar naturally. I've maintained and continue to modify a healthy low carb diet. I've had the best of intentions to exercise but that hasn't happened on a regular basis.

We're coming up on 6 months since I was diagnosed. I keep going back to the doctor and getting my levels checked. She's let me remain medication free because I've managed to slowly (by healthy eating alone) lose almost 15 pounds. But my numbers are still high. 139 fasting. Ugh! But I did fit into a regular (non-plus size) XL jacket last night. I felt like crying in the store!

I've been able to make lasting changes in our diets. Cutting out sugar was the easiest part. Splenda makes it easy for me. Cutting out carbs is another hurdle though. I've been eating only high fiber, whole grains but I still need to eat more plants. I'm really interested in this book Superfoods RX. Anyone know anything about micronutrients? I already feel the difference in my energy level with our new diet change and I'm starting to feel the difference in my clothes. Now I just need the difference in my numbers. Anyone know a good personal trainer that will come whip me into shape after the kids go to bed?

Biological Ties

2008-04-04T10:25:00.003-06:00

This past week Josie meet her biological sibling. When Josie was born she was immediately placed with a foster family (us) and then DFS found that her mother had just closed a case with them a year and a half before. That foster family decided not to accept her placement at the time because (like us now) they had two very close kiddos and another kid at home. Their home was full, thank goodness for us. I can't imagine my baby girl not being a part of our family...the ringleader of our family!

As a person with 5 half siblings myself, I find the commonalities of biology fascinating. I wasn't raised with my siblings- I was born 20 years after my oldest sister. I was my mother's "second family" after divorcing and remarrying. My siblings and I are different generations with one common parent. But we are all sooo strikingly similar, our hands, our hair texture, our silliness, our need for the calmness of the outdoors. Something primal that connects us all that makes us part of one.

Jo and her sister have so many similarities that can't be explained by anything but that oneness to each other. I'm so thankful that her sisters family wants to nurture that connection. I'm hopeful that this is one biological tie that will always give her roots.

A New Phase

2008-04-01T10:12:00.002-06:00

As Choo Choo's case begins to come to a close we are looking for other opportunities to continue to serve kids in the Foster care system. I found a great program through a local residential care facility that offers mentorship opportunities. I'm specifically excited about being able to be a pen pal to a youth who is transitioning to independent living.

If you might be interested in writing a few letters and lending an ear to a youth in Foster care please take a look at the program at Child Center Marygrove.

This time of year (tax return time) is when we also begin to budget and plan for the next year. We reassess our current spending and make a conscious decision where we want our money to go. So far this year we've decided to cancel our home phone and just use our cell phones -cause that's all we really do anyway, cut back on our cable plan and order Tivo instead of our cable company's DVR. Tivo you own and the local DVR we were basically renting forever! We've also decided to cancel our local YMCA membership and do family "workouts" instead.

Another thing that I'm excited about with this year's budget is our new "charitable contribution goal". We regularly donate and give to causes that are near to our hearts but we have never made a specific goal to shoot for. This year we've pledged $1500.00 of our budget for monetary donations and that's not counting donated goods. It feels really great to sit and decide how we're going to spend our money and research what organizations are doing things that we're really interested in.

Saugatuck Getaway

2008-03-16T23:51:00.003-06:00

I've been blogging less lately because I've got a new job title. I'm now the "CEO" of Saugatuck Getaway.

Our Lake Michigan vacation rental is up and running after our extensive January renovations & a bit of website building. So if ya have a minute check out the site at www.saugatuckgetaway.com

Tell me what you think! Would you take a vacation there?

Hair do's

2008-03-01T11:06:00.002-06:00

More hair do pics:

Lili's hair is a version of the princess crown that I did on Jo last summer. Lili's is done in braids instead of twists because they hold better in her hair texture. It was really cute on her, especially with the rhinestone hair snaps as accents.

Jo's hair is done in a traditional ballie and barrettes style with 2 strand twists. Her hair is getting so long, making her look like a big girl way too fast for mama.

My Leap Year Baby

2008-03-01T10:58:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was Lili's 1st birthday! She's a leap year baby and she turned 4 yesterday. We had a great party at one of those bouncy inflatables places. Fun, fun, fun! I think we are more wore out than the kids. Jumping around like that is such good exercise. If gyms were more like that I think I would make more time to workout. We had just as much fun as the kids I think.

We Lili a Diego cake as she's been so into him and baby Jaguar. Rrrarrrr! Since most of the party was taken care of by the staff (they even cut and served the cake and made a list of gifts and givers for thank you cards) we were able to spend a little more time throughout the week working on the cake. Making the little cookie animals was my favorite part and I might make them again for a special occasion.

This was our first time using fondant, not too bad. It's Marshmallow Fondant which is basically just melted marshmallows and sugar. Really easy to do. The idea of the cake was from Nick Jr's website. If you have a preschooler that likes Nick Jr. characters they have tons of great birthday party ideas.

A New Earth

2008-02-27T08:36:00.002-06:00

Is anyone else reading A New Earth?

One Year

2008-02-23T11:24:00.005-06:00

This morning while cooking a Saturday breakfast of blueberry pancakes and bacon(Lili's favorite food in the entire world) a flower delivery man rang the doorbell.

My DP, who is always great at celebrating little things, sent us a blue and white floral arrangement to celebrate One Year Ago when CJ arrived. This has been the fastest year ever. I remember vividly the first few months of Jo's life, documenting every little milestone. Fast forward to number 3 (actually #5) and poor CJ hasn't even had his one year pictures done. Ah to be so blissfully busy right?

I am really in awe at how much this big boy brings to my life. He is such a mama's boy and I love every minute of it. He's getting such a personality and is picking up sign language sooo fast. He learns at the speed of light and is doing something new every day. He's not even looking like a baby anymore, so quickly he's become a full fledged toddler. He deserves a new name here because he really thinks it's his name in real life. Choo-Choo.

His first birthday party was a few weeks ago and we made a train cake for our little Choo Choo. It turned out so cute. Grandma and Grandpa will bring down his new Train toddler bed that we bought off of Chicago Craigslist next week. He has almost completely destroyed the crib that has made it through 5 others before him. Boys. They're so different.

One year ago I was basking in baby love, now I'm running after a giggly toddler. Wow.

So happy one year Choo-Choo. Mama loves you so very much!

I'm shocked

2008-02-19T15:01:00.003-06:00

I'm shocked...in a good way. We went into this court hearing expecting to start from the beginning again. Instead the judge ordered Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) and adoption. AND the Children's Division lawyer has been working on the TPR paperwork for the past 4 months (we had no idea) and it will be filed on the 29th. Wow. Can I say again ...wow.

It's a possibility that his adoption might be final by the end of the fall.

Foster Parent Guilt

2008-02-04T10:47:00.000-06:00

I haven't written much lately about foster parenting because ....there isn't much to write....and because I'm nervous. CJ's 1 year hearing is coming up in a week or so. This will be our first time with a new judge who has made himself notorious over the past year. This is the part where we hold our breath and hope that nothing horrible happens on someone's whim. Oh I will be so happy when I no longer have to endure this rollercoaster.

I feel guilty because I know that there are many more kids who need help, a home, an advocate, something. But right now *I* can't be that anymore. I feel guilty knowing that there are kids in the system that don't have the option of stepping off the rollercoaster whenever they feel like it. I feel guilty trying to concentrate on my family's needs when so many are needier...and don't have a family.

Survivor/Biggest Loser Renovation

2008-01-28T12:14:00.000-06:00

Let me preface this by saying I really did enjoy renovating the house. Most of the time though I compared it to either Survivor or The Biggest Loser. The amount of physical labor involved was enough to make me lose about 7 pounds in the three weeks we were gone. We even went to the gym this weekend to try to carry on with this jumpstart to the new year. We worked from morning until the wee hours of the night every day renovating. I hadn't seen the news or talked to friends in ages.

The girls watched WAYYYY too much TV to keep them corralled in one area while we worked on the rest. So if I had any advice....it's not to do this with little one's underfoot. Poor CJ thinks his new name is NO. Lili got really sick while we were there and we found out that her insurance doesn't cover her past her home state or a direct bordering state. That's kinda crappy isn't it?

I'm so glad to be back to the pace of regular life. I'm enjoying slowing down and spending some time with the kids. Now if CJ's SW would just call us back about when she scheduled the new Family Support Team meeting for.

Before and After

2008-01-24T22:36:00.001-06:00

Three weeks of physical labor including painting, scraping, plumbing, flooring, electrical and everything else you can think of. I actually had a blast, frustrating as it was when the sink kept leaking....it was hard and so much fun.

I'll post more pics and such later. 7 hours in the car and I can't wait to sleep in my own bed.

Renovation

2008-01-02T05:19:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow we are off to renovate the lake house for three weeks. My mom, sister, nephew and some friends are all coming with us to help. I'm hoping that there really isn't two feet of snow right now -I've been tallying over the last week through weather.com .

The blog might not be updated for a while as I'm assuming I'll be so tired every evening I'll be falling into bed as soon as possible. Any tips for keeping three little ones busy while we live in a work zone? LOL

Wish me luck.

The Best Part of Christmas

2007-12-30T10:59:00.000-06:00

This year was the first year that the girls really understood holidays. During Hanukkah Josie was very excited to be able to light the Menorah herself. This Christmas Lili wasn't even afraid to sit on Santa's lap and they were both soooo excited Xmas Eve.

The best part of Christmas was making that dream come alive for them. While Mommy was upstairs reading Twas the Night Before Christmas. I went outside under their windows and shook jingle bells. They couldn't wait to go to sleep because they didn't want to miss Santa. I even put reindeer "hoofprints" on the front porch and took bites out of the carrot they left for Rudolph. LOL I loved it! They ran downstairs Xmas morning and before the presents they wanted to check and see if Santa ate his cookies and if Rudolph ate his carrot.

CJ had a great first Xmas and loved opening presents. He went from toy to toy and checked everything out.

Christmas Hair Do's

2007-12-22T12:21:00.000-06:00

I finally got my holiday order in from Snapaholics.com and finished the braids that the girls have been wearing for a week. I hope you can see in the last picture....I finished off some of the braids with little jingle bells. It is too adorable! The girls just love it.

You Tubin

2007-12-17T22:00:00.000-06:00

I found a great You Tube video about doing criss cross cornrows. Jo is wearing them for the holidays. If you feel like trying your hand at it take a look:

Little Wishes

2007-12-11T12:04:00.000-06:00

Our local foster parent organization, The Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition, has a wonderful program that provides toys, clothes and special event funding for kids in state care. Little Wishes is a year round program but during the holidays it grows even bigger. Baggage wrote a great post about it here . But I want to give you, fellow foster parents, another special reason to think about fulfilling a foster child's holiday wish.

I love the Little Wishes program for one secret, selfish reason. Healing.

Vivi was our second foster child, the first child that I loved so completely and fiercely and then lost her forever. If you are a foster parent, you know that ache, that grief, that forever longing and wondering. She may be where she is supposed to be, but that doesn't always keep the pain down. She is my daughter, I had the wonderful honor of caring for her during her first 7 months of her life. I quietly remember and honor every birthday that she has. I wonder what she looks like and how she is doing now. I wish I still had some connection, something that would make me know that she is safe, loved and happy.

I know I may never have that...but I do have Little Wishes. Every year as early as possible I scour the site....looking for my Vivi. I have been so elated to be able to buy her special Little Wish every year since she left me. It may not fix the ache but it makes it so much better for a little while.

If you are a foster parent, consider this request, find a child on the site that might remind you of a special foster child that left, and grant their wish. The child might be the same age, or have the same name, anything that might give you a connection to your little one. Take some time to honor and reflect on the wonderful little souls that we've had the honor of knowing, even for a short while. I'm always surprised at how healing one little present can be.

Look at my big boy!

2007-11-28T08:21:00.000-06:00

CJ is doing soooooo well. He is in the 75th percentile for height, which is totally a new experience for me since all my preemies have stayed tiny little things. My first boy is a bouncy baby boy in every sense of the word. He jumps, stands, falls, tries again, climbs, chases.....

Lili works within the limitations of her disability adapting the world to meet her needs....CJ works with and around his. He is such a fighter....legs don't want to bend? Must be time to start cruising on furniture. He just doesn't stop. He's growing and changing so quickly. Just look at my big boy!

Bad Blogger

2007-11-27T08:26:00.001-06:00

I've been a bad blogger lately. I know. Life has been swirling and swishing all around me lately and it's wonderful. As a SAHM my life is often mundane and routine so sometimes it's nice to be caught up in a whirlwind. Even if it is quite hectic....and a little stressful.

So back to our Lakehouse dream. We've been looking at different investment options for a while. My wife and I are a great team and often revisit and revise goals as they come within reach. We've been able to pull ourselves out of debt, create a family and carve out a wonderful home for ourselves by goal setting and planning. We would be great business partners if I could ever decide on just one thing to do with my life.

We've been researching real estate investments and came across Christine Hrib Karpinski's book Profit from Your Vacation Home Dream: The Complete Guide to a Savvy Financial and Emotional Investment in a magazine article. It fit exactly with what we were trying to do. We were trying to make a financial decision yet fulfill an emotional dream. So we jumped and purchased a place that just yesterday showed up on the top 25 places to raise kids. How cool is that?

Circle of Life

2007-11-15T11:34:00.000-06:00

So this past summer we visited a little town in Michigan on the lake. We loved it. We've been thinking about buying an investment property that might serve as my retirement account (since as a non working partner of a same sex couple I cannot have an IRA or 401K) and possibly second income. We took the leap this week and bought a place near Lake Michigan. Eeeekkk!

I'm busy as *&*)#$ dealing with inspectors, appraisers, real estate agents and mortgage companies.

I promise I'll be back soon and give y'all more details.

Sugar Free

2007-11-04T23:15:00.000-06:00

So let me just tell y'all right now that giving up sugar is a lot like giving up cigarettes.....but boy do I actually FEEL BETTER. Wow. I really do have more energy. Halloween was the worst day though. Just seeing all that candy coming and knowing I could have any. Torture.

But more about the life of a foster parent......

CJ's parents have disappeared. I'm hoping they just lost their apartment and haven't been someplace where they can call the SW. I'm praying mom isn't pregnant again and trying to hide. (ya know that would happen after I give away my baby stuff)

Sugar Sugar

2007-10-24T12:25:00.000-06:00

When we came home from vacation I was determined to get myself back in order.

2. Remember to schedule my own doctors appointments.
My DP is convinced my thyroid is out of whack. My mom and oldest sister have thyroid issues and have been on sythetic replacement for years. I was a little alarmed that the checklist online fits me in every catagory. When I first became a new mom I stopped getting pap smears and ended up in the early stages of cervical cancer.....take care of me first, take care of me first...chant with me now.

I made my doctors appointment as I promised myself I would and got my lab results back yesterday. My thyroid is fine...but I'm diabetic. My doctor has given me six week to try control it with diet and exercise before she prescribes pills. I love that I have a doctor that is willing to work with me (especially since we don't have domestic partner benefits and pay out the wazoo for my insurance) and give me some control over my own health choices.

I'm also very mad at myself and more than a little embarrassed. This is all a result of my own poor choices. Sugar, caffeine, carbs, sugar, caffeine, carbs, energy crash....repeat cycle. I'm overweight and unhealthy. I already had one wake up call in June when another sister had a heart attack.

I'm hoping that drastically changing my diet (no sugar, almost no carbs) will give me enough energy to start working out. Because really, after making breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, dressing & undressing, changing diapers, brushing teeth, braiding hair, cleaning, dishes, laundry .....I rarely have enough energy to go to bed.

But man I'm gonna miss my sugar.

Felt Sushi

2007-10-18T12:15:00.001-06:00

We had sushi for lunch today in honor of the felt sushi I made last night after the kiddos went to sleep. I'm having a blast with this.

Felt Food

2007-10-17T19:35:00.001-06:00

My newest little obsession. I stumbled across this blog a few days ago and have fallen in love. Our goal for this holiday is to make most of our gifts or give "experience" gifts (theater tickets, museum memberships) for friends and family.

I love this little fake food. Mine is made out of inexpensive crappy felt squares you can find anywhere. The kids love it. I love it. It's so completely blissful to me to do the same monotonous motion of hand sewing. I get lost in the tiny stitches and the spacing between them. I love that in 10-15 minutes and can dream up, start and finish an entire little project. I ordered a craft book on ebay with lots more ideas. If you know me IRL don't be surprised if your kids end up with a big grocery sack of felt food from me. Who knew a unedible sugar cookie could be so satisfying?

Babywearing

2007-10-10T09:43:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to write a post (and email back a fellow foster parent....I'm still with ya Beth) and none of my words are coming out right. I swear the older I get less and less stays in my head. I'll be going towards something look to the side at the cat and forget what I was walking towards. Information falls out randomly. But anyway.

I've been babywearing since Jo was born. I found information about Kangaroo care when looking for help for preemies. That lead to babywearing. I started out making my own ring slings then Mei Tais. I later starting purchasing carriers at www.thebabywearer.com after I became too busy with babies to sit down and sew. I have a ring sling, a wrap, a few mei tais, a podeagi and now two soft structured carriers. CJ has been my biggest baby yet and I recently starting looking for a heavy duty carrier to keep up with his weight gain. Yesterday my new carrier came in. I'm still fiddling with it and getting used to a high tech carrier but take a look at my Beco Baby Carrier.

It came at just the right time. We've all ended up with vicious colds. CJ has started wanting nothing but mama. He fell asleep in the Beco yesterday when I was just trying it on. He is clinging to me most of the day even though he's crawling like a champ and already pulling up to stand.

Zen mama style

2007-10-04T13:17:00.000-06:00

We're back from vacation and as usual I'm playing catch up with laundry and cleaning. I always come back from a change of scenery with big plans for doing better. I've cleared out a portion of the basement and had my niece come over and set up a playroom for the kids down there. My living room, dining room....well entire first floor actually....are toy free. It feels so good, like a can breathe in here (not to mention walk without tripping over something). No one warns you about the mounds of plastic you will accumulate as a parent. It multiplies overnight. I keep threatening to not buy another toy ever because the kids get so many as presents for birthdays and holidays they could fill their own toy store. Yikes, and here I am trying to teach them about being thankful and non materialistic and they own everything their heart has ever desired. But I'm getting off track ...again.

So being back from vacation and having some perspective on things I've decided to hire my niece to come clean my house once a week. It absolutely kills me to know that other people (my family) may think that I can't care for my own family but I just feel so overwhelmed lately. This will hopefully free up some time that I can concentrate on being a purposeful parent and not a reactionary one. Too many times lately I feel like all I'm doing is reacting to a spill, fall, sister-hitting, cat-food-eating incident that I'm not spending any time supporting or encouraging my kids. That makes me one grumpy, resentful mama. I'm trying to carve out more time to rejuvenate ME so I can be more of the mommy I want to be and not the stressed out mama I was becoming.

I'm trying to:

1. Spend 15 minutes a day stretching.

Going all out and saying I will exercise everyday is setting myself up to fail...stretching seems relaxing and most of all attainable.

2. Remember to schedule my own doctors appointments.

My DP is convinced my thyroid is out of whack. My mom and oldest sister have thyroid issues and have been on sythetic replacement for years. I was a little alarmed that the checklist online fits me in every catagory. When I first became a new mom I stopped getting pap smears and ended up in the early stages of cervical cancer.....take care of me first, take care of me first...chant with me now.

3. Create a peaceful environment.

Being a very visual person, I know that my environment has a big effect on my mood. For me that means constantly decluttering and surrounding myself with reminders of great times. I'm going to order some oversize prints of some of the pictures I've taken recently.

4. ASK for help.

Gulp. Why is that one so hard? I like doing things my way. I get stressed out doing every thing. Vicious cycle.

Photo Post

2007-10-03T09:30:00.000-06:00

We go on a BIG boat mama!

2007-09-19T09:54:00.001-06:00

We're getting ready to go on our first Cruise. Gramma and Grampa are coming with us and the girls are both very excited to go on a big boat. We've been talking it up for weeks. We'll be touring most of the west coast, staying in the states since CJ will be in respite with some foster parent friends of ours. (BTW his case was kicked out of the drug court program and now we head to regular family court)

I'm so glad we had a couple of vacations planned this year, I've needed it. Being a foster parent and being a mom to preschoolers in general, is so hard. It is so draining emotionally. That damn roller coaster dragging your heart around is just too much at times. Another parent at the girls preschool asked me this week how to I handle having so many things out of my control. The answer is "I don't".

Being a mom has made me more patient and has made me let go of so many things. I totally understand why my mom was so nonchalant when I was growing up. I was her sixth child, she was 53 when I became a teenager. I imagine by that time nothing ruffled her feathers. I feel myself becoming more jaded in life. I'm less joyful and more discontent in life with the abuse, neglect and general "unfairness" I see. Sunshine Girl on a Rainy Day recently did a post that has me thinking. I keep coming back to the quote she uses:

As Jack Nicholson sardonically put it in the movie As Good As It Gets: "It's not true. Some people have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car."

Cindy posted a website in her older child blog that has a Compassion Fatigue test from the Florida State University Psychosocial Stress Research Program. I have an extremely high risk for Compassion Fatigue and Burnout. Boy am I feeling that right now.

I'm thankful I have so many blogosphere friends that get me reflecting but still keep me moving onward.

Ah....feels like fall

2007-09-13T17:03:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I think that as a stay at home mom I'm isolated, sometimes I think I'm so overwhelmed with people needing me that I'll never be alone.

This pic is from my "Mom's Day Off" that I had about two weeks ago. DP took a day off to stay home with the kids and I got up and left the house at about 8:30 and didn't return until suppertime. It's been three years since I've had a day off just for me (my last pap smear I had my feet in the stirrups and a cranky baby in my arms).My day was more than wonderful. It was bliss/happy/calm/energizing good. I took my camera and had a photography morning at a local sculpture park, did some shopping (alone!) and went fishing with my mom. I really miss nature. I really do. Having non-walkers really limits where you can go. I wonder if my kids think nature is the stuff that surrounds the playground in the park. It was so peaceful to be surrounded by green and even dip my toes into a creek. It has me thinking that we need a little lake house somewhere.

Snuggle Puppy

2007-09-05T07:40:00.000-06:00

So this past weekend we actually took the plunge and *gulp* gave away all of our baby clothes. Now even if they told me the biggest sob story I'll have to say no (and I NEED to say no) and not take another baby. It actually doesn't feel as huge as I thought...more natural than anything. It's quite funny to me that most "typical" couples would include some form of birth control in their family planning at this point, and we are just passing on supplies as our family planning technique. LOL

To keep you updated on CJ's case.....well first let me say that I LOVE this bouncy baby boy. Oh does he have my heart in his hands. He is SOOOO my snuggle puppy.

His mom has been missing court since she got out of rehab and for the first time, dad missed too. The judge discussed taking the case out of the special drug court program and we're expecting that to happen at the next court date. I'm hoping that will make the situation better. As it is the SW actually said last week "I think mom is using" and mentioned that CJ's sister was home at the time. Yet still did nothing to protect the little girl! As a mandated reporter shouldn't I report that? To whom? The social worker that told me? GRRRRRRRR Really guys, I feel that I should do something, but what? What's better... getting dragged into this failed system or watching your mom get high on heroine?

A Post for Bacchus

2007-09-04T10:21:00.000-06:00

A post for Bacchus who is thinking about remodeling his vintage bath.

I love how vessel sinks look. I hate cleaning, repairing and maintaining my vessel sink.

Getting some things done

2007-08-29T08:05:00.000-06:00

Sorry I've been missing lately.

My nephew is here doing some handyman jobs around the house for us. He needed some $$ and we had a long list of honey-do's as neither of us are especially handy. I'm enjoying getting some things done around here - I love a completed to do list.

So....Blog ya soon.

Back to School Stuff

2007-08-21T10:58:00.000-06:00

We're gearing up to get ready to go back to school around here. The girls don't start for another few weeks but I'm trying to get us back to more of a routine to make the transition easier. I made this picture schedule for the girls in the morning and it's working so well I'm going to make one for bedtime too.

If you have a school age child going back this year make sure you check out Flylady's Student journal to keep everything organized. I use her regular journal too.

I'm also trying to meal plan better (again...still?) and I've read some pretty neat ideas in this Back to School cookbook from my favorite recipe site Allrecipes.com

Got any back to school sites or tips to share?

If I Could Do Anything

2007-08-18T09:34:00.000-06:00

So I know my blog doesn't always stay on track or focus on much most of the time. But, that's how my life is too. I've done so many things in my life, I've been a

Teacher
Corporate Trainer
Door-to-door vacuum salesperson
waitress
cleaning lady
interior designer
custom drapery designer
store manager
custom framer
fashion merchandiser
bartender
fine artist
banking representative
entrepreneur
stained glass artist
minister
mother
motivational speaker
foster parent
landlord
fast food worker
cell phone technician
driver
receptionist
architect assistant
photographer
painter
crafter

I've been reading a book I own called I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was . I read it once before when I quit my job, went back to school full time and finally finished my Bachelor's degree. The book says I'm a "Scanner" -that means I like to learn about a lot of things...a jack-of-all-trades if you will. I've always been good at many things but I've never been able to decide on just one thing to do with my life. I've always taken on projects and side jobs just to learn something not necessarily to earn money. Being trained as a custom framer and a drapery designer were pretty cool and I love having those skills even today. I've always felt like I had a problem because I couldn't stick to just one thing. But reading the book has really helped me accept that I don't have to. I can do a hundred things well and be just as happy as someone that does one thing greatly. Accepting that has opened up the world for me.

I'm thinking about these things again because after our decision we can finally look forward and decide to do something else for us. DP has been reading the book after my urging and she is really excited. She picked her college major by default and has been wildly successful in a job that she doesn't really like. As of today she's enrolling to get a master's degree in Library Science. If she could do anything in the world....she would be a librarian.

Now I just have to figure out what I want to do for a while. So I'm going to start focusing in on more goals and write down everything I want to do in life. Just last night I mentioned to a friend that I wanted to learn how to sail....he immediately said that a coworker of his has been doing just that all summer at a nearby lake. They give lessons there and you can rent a boat to learn on. Right on.

A big GRRRR to the system

2007-08-17T09:47:00.000-06:00

So I've been waiting to blog about this for a while because I was hoping that this would be resolved quickly. But that would be asking too much of a disorganized mess of a system.

CJ has cerebral palsy, strong hypertonia from neonatal abstinence syndrome and now hip displasia. He wears a hip brace twice a day during naps and all night. We will be picking up his new leg splints this week. He receives an hour of Physical Therapy and an hour of Occupational Therapy a week. He goes to CP clinic once a month at the local Children's hospital and sees other specialists regularly.

His request to be catagorized as a medical needs foster child was turned down. WTF? His SW said (and yes I'm paraphrasing) but he's so fat and happy! OMG

We now have to get even more records....which is soooo easy when you're not the legal guardian (ask Baggage) get the pediatrician and therapists to write letters and then we can try to appeal the request.

You gotta be kidding me.

Princess hair

2007-08-13T18:18:00.000-06:00

Taking the old adage "your hair is your crown" quite literally I created a princess crown hairstyle for Josie this week. Using a star parting pattern I made two strand twists and connected each of them all around her head. It was quite adorable and Jo loved telling everyone she was a princess.

Whirlwind

2007-08-11T05:25:00.000-06:00

Our very close friends had a whirlwind match yesterday. They went into their first staffing informed, prepared and hoping for the best. They came home with two kids! They will have a weekend visit, take them back on Monday to gather their belongings and bring them home for good on Friday.

If they were chosen we thought it might be a fast transition because it's so close to the new school year...but wow. During their 2 1/2 hour drive home we dashed over to their house and straightened up the kids room and stocked up on kid friendly snacks. Our friends went to bed last night a little overwhelmed and shocked. From zero to mommies in just a few short hours.

Calling all instant families out there.....what can we do to support them through this whirlwind?

What the?

2007-08-08T19:01:00.001-06:00

So the grocery ads came in the mail this week and one of the smaller low cost food chains had this picture on the front of the ad. What the heck is on this hot dog? Blueberries and ranch dressing? Anybody know?

Goals

2007-08-06T06:03:00.000-06:00

My wife and I are obsessive goal setters. Her because she has always been a successful overachiever, me because if I don't have a plan, nothing will happen.

I grew up in a very poor, uneducated family. When I was in my early twenties working a corporate job I got hooked on self improvement seminars, books and audio courses. Goal setting and positive thinking was a completely new concept to me that no one I knew ever talked about. I loved it. I was (and still am) inspired by it. Now that I'm writing about it I'm thinking I need to start updating my collection since it's mostly tapes and I no longer own a tape player. I really want to teach my kids about it so that they can clarify for themselves what they would like to do with their lives early on. I always think about Tiger woods and wonder what it would have been like to find something I loved and been able to hone that skill my entire life.

We regularly have discussions about what we really want out of life, how to plan for it and what we can do now to get there later. A new financial tool I've been using is a great online site called Wesabe it's really helped me see exactly where our money goes.

One of my lofty lifetime goals is to live waterfront. I would love to wake up every morning to the sunrise playing off the water.

What are some of your goals?

Amazon's grocery store

2007-08-04T08:58:00.001-06:00

This past week I got all of my amazon grocery orders in. I give it two thumbs way up! Here's the scoop.

Amazon has tons of grocery items now and you can get order just about anything that you can typically find at a grocery or retail store. They sell in bulk like a Costco or Sams but there is no membership fee and everything over $25 has free shipping. Bulk items delivered to your door rocks. No carrying big boxes of stuff to your car or into the house. With three little ones this was the biggest selling point to me. But I'm still very financially conservative (cheapskate) so I only ordered items that we use regularly: laundry soap, dryer sheets, toilet paper and trash Bags. I only ordered items that were comparable or lower prices than I normally find during local sales.

Here's the best part though....Every month amazon has different sale items, my best find was one of these sale items. If you bought so much of the All brand (I bought soap and dryer sheets) you got an additional $15 off your order. Then when I received my shipment some of the bottles must have been squeezed during shipment because it was a gloopy mess. I called amazon and they immediately sent me an entire replacement shipment at no charge. So I got.....drumroll......18 bottles of laundry soap for $40. Hello, I love amazon grocery.

Just so you know

2007-07-31T08:30:00.000-06:00

I'm done.

CJ will be my last foster child.

The rollercoaster of emotions is too much. The worry is too much. The grief and loss is too much. I can't do this any more.

I'm tempted to give away all my clothes and supplies to the Foster and Adoptive Care Coalition's KidStore so that I really am unable to take another placement. If I decide later on to adopt (private adoption) I will buy new things that belong only to that child and don't have the memories of lost children attached to them.

There is no straw that broke the camels back. Just a realization that enough is enough.

Bumper Crop

2007-07-31T07:59:00.001-06:00

I'm lovin the garden right now. I wish I could grow lawn in little pots. This year's garden helps me plan next years garden and what I need to do differently. First I need to plant ONE tomato plant. Lili and I are the only ones who will eat them. I need to plant half the amount of bell peppers - they have done sooo well and everyone likes them....but we're soooo sick of bell peppers and the plants are still growing strong.

I've started gathering seeds from flowers that I see going to seed (daylilies in parking lots, hibiscus at the zoo) and I'm going to clear out one planter just for flower starts.

I'm going to get my mom and MIL these planters for next year and build some stands for them. My mom even printed out the above picture and showed all her neighbors what her citified daughter is growing. I love it.

That Soda will Kill You

2007-07-24T07:08:00.000-06:00

A huge U.S. study of middle-aged adults has found that drinking more than one soft drink a day - even a sugar-free diet brand - may be associated with an elevated risk for metabolic syndrome, a cluster of factors that boosts the chance of having a heart attack or stroke and developing diabetes.

"We found that one or more sodas per day increases your risk of new-onset metabolic syndrome by about 45 per cent, and it did not seem to matter if it was regular or diet," Dr. Ramachandran Vasan, senior investigator for the Framingham Heart Study, said Monday from Boston.

Wow. My mom and I often have this conversation where I ask how she did it with 6 kids and she says she didn't have all the "junk" that messes up parenthood. The more news stories like this that come out the more I think she's right.
We still have this back and forth conversation about convenience items though. Like paper towels. My mom started out washing clothes in a creek on a washboard, then a tub style ringer washer and a clothesline to dry. The thought of less laundry to her is like hitting a goldmine. She knows about "going green" but still loves her disposable tree-killing-landfill-filling paper towels. LOL I don't fuss at her too much though....cause lord knows I have a hard enough time keeping up with laundry as it is....and all I have to do is push a button.

Success!

2007-07-23T06:54:00.000-06:00

Guess who is potty trained? Josie! I didn't want to post any earlier in case it was just a passing fad...but she's been diaperless for almost 4 days now. Do you know how happy I am? YEAAAHHHH

Hair Happy

2007-07-18T18:57:00.000-06:00

During one of our "parent workshops" at the family week we just attended was a session on multicultural families. What I thought would be a sharing of information, resources and information quickly turned laughable. One particular area that always gets to me is the lack of interest in learning about AA hair in transracial adoptions. It really was scary how many people thought it would be better to cut off their little girls hair rather than learning how to properly care for hair different than their own. Out of our small group of parents I was the only person who enthusiastically enjoyed creating different hairstyles.

It was obvious many parents spent zero time learning about hair care and the cultural implications of hair in AA culture. The facilitator asked me to do a workshop next year.....which is in itself laughable to think that a midwestern white girl like me was the best expert they could find on the subject.

As a white woman trying to raise strong, proud, black women I am aware of how critical the definition of race, culture and beauty is tied to hair- specifically curly hair. Hair has strong personal, cultural and even political meaning within and out of the black community. I'm constantly trying to learn more about different styles, products and resources -not only for myself, but for the women my girls will become.

I hope to arm them with enough information and resources that they can make educated thoughtful decisions about their own hair. I hope to take the learning curve out of caring for their hair by passing on what I've learned about what works for each of their individual hair types. I hope to give them strong ties to their culture of origin by maintaining hairstyles that are stylish among their peers. I hope to build a strong mother-daughter bond by spending time lovingly grooming and styling my daughters hair. I hope to always let them know how beautiful they are by being informed and thoughtful in caring for their beautiful curly hair.

Back from Vacation

2007-07-16T10:04:00.000-06:00

We're back from vacation! We had a great time at the lake. I doubt we will return for the RFGL events as they were unorganized and overpriced but the area that we visited was beautiful and I would love to go back to the lake. The kids loved playing in the sand at the beach, picking blueberries and having lots of playmates around. I just loved the lake. I've never been to a big lake like Lake Michigan and to me it was just like the ocean without the salt water in your eyes. There were a few days of nice waves to play in and plenty of rocks and shells to pick up.

I'm catching up on my blog reading and trying to get all the sand out of the girls hair. We went through a few hairstyles this past week so I'll post some new hair adventure photos soon.

Jo's Birthday Party

2007-07-02T10:12:00.000-06:00

This past weekend was Josie's 3rd birthday party. She's been so excited and continually asks "Is today my birthday?" We'll be at GrammaGramma Grampa's on her actual birthday July 6th and she is going to be spoiled rotten. I can't believe my teeny tiny baby is this sassy, sweet diva.

We've tried to convince her that "the people" don't let three year olds wear diapers. She has to wear underwear after she turns three. (My pretty pretty princess picked out little boys race car underwear). I don't know if it will work but I'm willing to try anything, including lying and scare tactics. Aren't I just horrible? Toddlerhood is wearing me down. They are stubborn, energetic little creatures. Who decided that this stage should be right after the sleep deprivation of infanthood? There's a design flaw there (yes I'm speaking to you god/buddha, higher power).

Pride

2007-06-28T07:56:00.001-06:00

It's holiday time around here. This past weekend was Gay Pride. For the past 7 years or so we have hosted an annual Pride Breakfast before the big parade. All of our friends and family show up early to chow down and walk the 2 blocks (from our new house anyway) to the parade. My family, this year just my sister and niece, usually marches with PFLAG and we have quite a few friends in the local community band. The parade is an especially great time for kids as they are just showered with candy, toys and necklaces from the floats. It's a great time and a tradition that I love.

This year pride will be extended for us because we're attending the Great Lakes Rainbow Families week. We've been busy this week planning and packing, getting ready for vacation. We're renting a lake house with a two daddy family that is from that area. This will be our first year attending but we're hoping that it will be neat enough to make another tradition for our family.

So.....Happy Pride!

Peekaboo

2007-06-22T17:21:00.001-06:00

Just a peekaboo at baby CJ. His fine hair is finally starting to show the hint of some beautiful curls to come.

Photo Post

2007-06-20T12:03:00.000-06:00

Today I wanted to put up some pics I've been meaning to share but haven't taken the time to write about.

1. A pic of Jo and her first BFF. Our newly adopted cat Maestro.

2. A picture I took of my newest great-niece, Lana Arlene, with her mom and brother.

Learning more about Cerebral Palsy

2007-06-18T10:32:00.001-06:00

With two CP special needs kiddos in the house we're super busy. Lili (and Jo) goes to her special preschool 4x a week. Both her and CJ get OT and PT 2x a week each. We're going to start going to a special CP clinic at the local children's hospital 1x a month. We'll see a lot of specialists all in one afternoon. I'm learning more and more about CP.

In the United States today, more people have cerebral palsy than any other developmental disability, including Down syndrome, epilepsy, and autism. Although children with very mild cerebral palsy occasionally recover by the time they are school-aged, cerebral palsy is usually a lifelong disability. In most cases, the movement and other problems associated with cerebral palsy affect what a child is able to learn and do to varying degrees throughout their life.

CJ has Spastic Cerebral Palsy (stiff and difficult movement)
Lili has Ataxic Cerebral Palsy (disturbed sense of balance and depth perception)

Both of their cerebral palsy may be the result of an injury to their brain before, during, or after birth. In Lili's case, as a very premature baby, bleeding into the brain (intraventricular hemorrhage) caused extensive damage. I think in CJ's case nuerological damage was caused by toxic injuries, or poisoning, from alcohol or drugs used by the mother.

June Hair

2007-06-18T08:09:00.001-06:00

When I'm doing a long term hairstyle (anything I want to last for 3 weeks or more) I build it up and take it down. With Jo's current hairstyle the first few days I just cornrowed the front and had the back in piggy poofs. Then I did a few box braids in the back and added beads. Then the next step in the hair style I'll put it in piggies. A few days later I will change the beads. Then a few days later I will divide and rebraid the back box braids so there are more, smaller braids. This time I then put all of the braids into two buns. This is my newest favorite style. I love Jo's hair in piggy poofs but getting it to stay clean and pretty is a challenge now that her hair is so long. This new style allows me to have that look and it stays nicely for days with minimal upkeep for me. I love it. (do you see her lip scar in the picture? my poor baby)

Well isn't that neat?

2007-06-16T15:22:00.000-06:00

A friend just emailed some pics she had taken of her kids through a generous photographer with Celebrating Adoption

If you have adopted within the past year (or if you're going to -hang on to their info) they will waive their fee and take portraits of your newly adopted family member. Check it out! I've contacted a local photographer through their site and hope to hear back soon.

Wake up call

2007-06-13T10:48:00.000-06:00

I'm always trying half-heartedly, on and off to lose weight. I have an elliptical machine, we belong to the YMCA, sometimes I count WW points, sometimes I eat only local, fresh earth grown items. Sometimes I plan out meals a week or even few weeks in advance to control portions, calories and budget. Sometimes (like last night) I'm too tired and I give the kids something nutritious and cave in to the baked Lays that have been calling my name.

Then sometimes, like today, I get a wake up call that says "THIS IS SERIOUS DAMMIT!" You see I have a horrible family history of heart disease. My maternal grandfather died of a heart attack, my maternal grandmother had her first heart attack at 62, my own mother in her fifties. My sister died of a heart attack two years ago at only 40 years old. After my sister died I saw my doctor and was diagnosed with mild high blood pressure. Not enough to take medicine but enough to freak me out....for a few months. Then back I went to my old habits and 10 more pounds came with me into the new year.

Today another sister went to the doctor for migraines....her blood pressure was so high (high blood pressure is anything over 140/90 - hers was 222/124) he immediately did an EKG that showed that she has recently had a heart attack. She had a heart attack and didn't even know it!

So now my grandmother, mother, all my siblings and even one niece are on medicine to control blood pressure. If I don't do something RIGHT NOW. I will need it within a few years.

Another gray hair

2007-06-11T13:55:00.000-06:00

Jo started preschool just fine. The teacher had to explain to the other kids that the shiny spot under her nose was glue & stitches and not boogers. LOL Of course that didn't last long because she picked off the glue and stitches just 4 days after they were in. (can I have a side of guilt with my guilt platter please?) By that time they can't re-stitch so it looks like we're in for a nasty scar on my beautiful girl. (Can I supersize my guilt platter?)

But the real reason I'm going gray this week is that during naptime yesterday the girls were playing in their room and Jo thought a good game of beat-my-sister-over-the-head-with-maracas would be fun. I walked into, quite literally, a bloody mess. Head wounds bleed. Alot. Clothes, floor, bedding, furniture, hair, toys...just about everything. (I'm sorry but can I just order the whole guilt menu?) We would have made another trip to the emergency room if a friend who just happens to be a pediatrician wasn't already here visiting. So Lili is fine, no stitches required. But the sisters are being separated for a while. Different chairs at the dining table, different rows in the minivan and different bedrooms.

So how long does sibling rivalry last?

Emergency!

2007-06-06T12:10:00.001-06:00

We had our first big emergency yesterday. While walking down the front steps Josie fell off the side and sliced her lip open on the metal alarm company sign. We had just returned from 4 hours at the children's hospital during a new leg splint fitting for Lili. We turned around and went right back for another 5 hours in the emergency room.

After 4 stitches, some glue and two worried mamas, everything is fine. I'm so surprised at how well it looks it was a really big gash. I felt awful and guilty that I wasn't there to protect my babygirl. But these things happen right? (someone tell me these things happen, kids fall and I'm not a horrible mom)

So here is her first day of school pic....stitches and all. I love her hair like this. Yeah for new hair pretties.

School stuff

2007-06-04T21:58:00.000-06:00

Lili will be continuing to attend her special language preschool during the summer session and the first day is Wednesday. We've decided (budget be damned) to send Josie too for this semester. She is always so excited when we drop Lili off at school and I'm hoping she'll still be excited Wednesday.

This past weekend we went to a kids birthday party that was held at one of those big-inflatable-bouncy-things places. We almost had Lili stay home with DP because we figured she would just throw a fit and get overwhelmed. Boy did we call that wrong. Lili had an all out, no fear, more-more-more, blast and a half. Josie on the other hand was scared of everything and didn't participate at all (well except for blowing out the birthday girls candles mid-song) and was uncharacteristically shy. I'm still searching their bedroom for the alien pods because these are not my children. Who came down and switched personalities on me? LOL

CJ had his first IFSP (like an IEP but for kids under 3) meeting today. With his CP diagnosis he qualifies for any services he needs. He already has PT once a week and now we'll be adding OT once a week as well. His SW attended the meeting and told us that mom relapsed this week. More self help meetings were added to her goal plan. *sigh* I don't know if she's gonna make it. This isn't a good sign. Sorry baby boy.

Hair Supplies

2007-06-02T09:02:00.000-06:00

If you don't have an ethnic beauty supply store near you I just found a great one online that has some inexpensive kids hair accessories. We have many stores near us but I rarely get the chance to go unless I want to risk three grumpy kids making a scene! LOL. Check out www.extremebeautysupply.com

Blogging for LGBT Families

2007-06-01T08:42:00.000-06:00

Rather than writing a political or theoretical post today, I'm going to write a very personal one. One that many LGBT families can relate to.

I am a mom.
I wipe noses and change diapers.
I'm there for every middle-of-the-night feeding, every boo boo and tummy ache.
I play peekaboo and build sand castles.
I make every meal and snack.
I'm the first person they run to when hurt, scared or tired.
I sing nursery rhymes and play tag.
I nurture and care for traumatized children.

I am a mom.

I'm mama, I'm the primary caregiver. However, I am not a legal parent. My partner does, but I have no rights to my children.

Fresh peas

2007-05-31T10:36:00.000-06:00

I am thoroughly enjoying myself as a gardener this season! I love my Garden Patch boxes because it makes it so easy to see success. I started out just growing on the balcony of our loft and I've expanded my garden to the back yard. I keep dreaming of next years garden and how much bigger it's going to be. We're already enjoying the sweetest sugar snap peas and my lettuce should be salad size soon.

I checked out a couple of books from the library this week on sustainable farming and mindful eating. I'm especially liking Harvest for Hope by Jane Goodall (the chimpanzee lady). As our garden keeps growing I'm becoming more excited about preparing meals. I often struggle with food in general but I'm feeling less stress about it right now as I see it go from seed to plate. I've been reading Sarah's blog and I'm going to use her Kale recipe on some swiss chard I bought at the farmers market this past weekend.

Now if only those tomatoes would hurry up!